I’ve always been of two minds when it comes to segregating the concerns of women from men – be it a matter of what we read, what we watch, what we purchase, or anything else.
It’s not a simple subject; men and women are different. Biologically. Psychologically. In the ways we’re socialized. And so – in what we care about.
Culturally determined? Of course, and so much more.
Politically as well?
Naturally. Look where we are, look where we’ve come; look at the road yet to cover.
This morning, I was perusing Huffington Post’s new Women’s Section. I find it appropriate that we need one; logical that it will succeed, and ideal in so far as it’s a place where we can carry on detailed discussions that may originate in other sections (politics, economy, health, education), while dissecting what matters most to us – as women.
Same Sex, Different Sex
I’m stimulated by all there is to discuss – by the ways in which men and women think differently, act differently, and need each other (differently) – albeit some would argue they don’t, and I would take the opposing position.
I would love to delve into issues of same sex education (based on experience), but would want to offer current research. I would love to address issues of single sex clubs, and why we once bristled at exclusivity (hello 1970s feminism). Are we more accepting today? And what if Huff Post offered a “Men’s Section?”
Speaking of which – the various aspects of Men’s Movements? Father’s Rights? Wouldn’t we do well to better address the causes – and try to find understanding? Not dismissively, not summarily, not superficially?
I’d be fascinated to discuss issues of sex differences in terms of jobs. Not only because of unemployment and earnings gaps, but the ways in which we need to recraft our employment environments to better suit families – rethink the nature of work itself, job structures, and pay.
Naturally, our approach to parenting and relationships is impacted by gender. Not bounded or defined necessarily – but influenced, without question.
Women, And What We Care About
I hope that the new Women’s Section might address the issues I just outlined. That men will join the conversation, so we might learn from our varying perspectives.
This morning – I’ve already found plenty to get me to thinking:
- Shannon Kelly and Barbara Kelly’s interpretation of the “Happy Children Unhappy Adults” debate
- Naomi Cahn and Wendy Kramer’s article on Sperm Donor Offspring
- Andrea Doucet on Sexy Headlines and Skimpy Research
And there’s so much more – well written, thorough, provocative and substantive.
I would challenge us – all of us – to continue to question and reflect on what we read, why we read it, and the necessary context for informed reading. To enjoy our humor, without discarding our ability to probe important issues with care. To explore what it means to be women, and to value our differences – among each other and with men. To invite those same men into our dialog – so we may better learn, better instruct, and improve the way we appreciate each other.
Bridges
When it comes to men and women, we have endless sources of conversation. We need to keep talking. We especially need to respectfully listen.
Coming to an understanding doesn’t require a common position. Shared values and political persuasion may make for more workable (smoother?) friendships and relationships, but varying perspectives and priorities reflect who we are at a point in time; they are also what stretch us and may eventually bring us back to each other.
Sometimes listening doesn’t involve talking. It is a matter of interpreting the signals and then checking to make sure you got it right before sending a reply. One person’s way of communicating may not work for everyone. Sometimes you have to decide if the potential conversation is worth learning a new language.
A matter of interpreting, yes.
Love your last observation, Planner.
I think active listening is the key. For so many years I just “spoke” louder so the men (and women) would hear me. For me it was a matter of being right, to convince whomever I was talking to to see things my way. Now I find keeping my mouth shut not only helps to open others up to my opinions when I do speak, but it has opened myself up as well.
I really needed to see this perspective. I tend to lean a little too far from the conversations when seen from the males view. And frustrated when they do not see things my way. I will take a step back and listen more. Thank you.
…and I thought I was a good listener 🙂 Listening does eat up more energy, I guess. We are so full of ourselves that it’s a herculean task to just sit still and really listen to what others have to say.
Nice to have you here, Pepperrific! Thanks so much for your comment. I think it’s especially hard to sit and really listen when we’re running through the litany of tasks to do in our overcrowded (motherly?) days.
This is a topic that will never bore me. There are endless possibilities and opinions to explore. And i agree with you: it is a topic that needs to be discussed. Not to find an eventual consensus but to discover that there are many different viewpoints and they all bring something to the table.
I’m currently reading a book that you might find interesting — you might have even already read it – it’s called Reading Women by Stephanie Staal and she revisits a feminism class that she took back when she was in college. She discovers new works and rediscovers old works — but the meaning of it has all changed because she has changed.
Nice to have you join us, Jennifer. It’s a topic that doesn’t bore me either (obviously!) – partly because we are all changing, more than we realize. Perhaps that’s what makes the need for men and women to work on communication so critical – communication that is constantly evolving as we are, in terms of our growing awareness of bigger picture issues in life, and who and what we are.
Thank you for the reference. I’ll be sure to look it up!