At night, for more than a week, I heard their sounds outside. Laughter mostly. Music occasionally. Fortunately, they have always been considerate about keeping the decibel level down for the old folks in the neighborhood. You know. Those of us over the age of 20.
And they were content, sitting around the fire pit, often in freezing temperatures, catching up and joking around. Making merry of every last possible moment of Winter Break.
Kids having fun
I have always loved listening to my kids enjoy themselves – when the sounds they made were high-pitched and squealing, when their 13-year old voices were in the process of cracking, and now, their laughter in a different register entirely. Frankly, they sound like men.
There is the energy of their banter with friends they’ve known all their lives, friends who are like family to them, friends who are always welcome in our home.
My older son had time to unwind. I wish my younger had caught more of a break, but it is what it is. And there was that New Year’s party through the night, as I recall – along with a night of making mischief in the snow. This weekend, my younger son is kicking up his heels, finally, and he’s certainly earned it.
Advice from the other side of 40
About a week ago, I asked for assistance from my first-born. My laptop has been sluggish and choking ever since installing new software, and I was grateful to have my kid pouring diligently through programs and options as he diagnosed issues and dealt with them.
I watched him. I listened as he explained what he was doing. I tried to absorb what he was teaching me.
I took in his concentration. I measured his ease. I observed the young man he is becoming. I didn’t feel old exactly, only older – and very tired. Then the words just slipped out. Perhaps sadly. Perhaps only simply:
Dance while you can. Don’t put it off.
He looked up at me, hesitated, then said “okay” and returned to his task. I don’t know if my words stuck, or if he understood the layers of meaning. As parents, do we never know what words or actions make the impression we intend?
Living life fully
How often do we put off what gives us pleasure? What about our restrictive inner dialog, constantly running the refrain “I can’t until” which is followed by some future accomplishment?
I can’t until the kids are in pre-school. I can’t until I have more money saved. I can’t until I get that new job. I can’t until I’ve lost 15 pounds. I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.
We reach a point when we really “can’t.” What about all those false barriers to “can” that close down our lives bit by bit, sometimes for years?
Perspective
On the days when I’m tired from thinking and tired from writing and tired from listening intently, on the mornings when the alarm interrupts the weightless free fall of my dreaming, on the nights when I wonder if I will ever kick the fatigue out of my system, I realize that even if the answer is no, then so be it. I will carry on with everything – to the best of my ability.
I came to parenting late. I lived my share of adventures prior to marriage. I will not say I have no regrets, but I have relatively few.
And in the meantime, I hope my sons have paid attention to my stories, and will heed my advice – knowing that I danced when I could, and didn’t put it off.
So very true! Time slips by so quickly. I’ve come to believe that what makes a moment special, and something that we remember is whether we were *in* it, really in it, just turning off our minds and enjoying the Present.
Ah, the “turning off our minds” thing. (*Wistful smile, and wondering if you have any tips.*) I’m still searching for a way to do that! It was so much easier before kids – but yes – you are so right. Time slips by so quickly.
I took some time to dance when I was still working, but now that we’ve retired, my focus is on what I want to do. Much more time is devoted to the “wants” than to the “musts”. It’s heaven.
Sounds lovely, Carol!
Oh, what an important lesson. We should all dance – and laugh and be silly and dream – while we can. You are right in that we are all planners, wedded to prudence that shackles us too often – waiting for the stars to align, and the steps to be taken, until we can revel, and do the things we want and love. We cannot live this way and we cannot let our kids live this way either. Thank you for the reminder.
Yes! We are often too careful, too predictable, too tied to our calendars and our plans.
I know you dance with your girls.
Literally and figuratively. And it’s wonderful!
I found myself telling my 20-something step daughters to wear the silly fashions now while they could still get away with it. I feel foolish in a lot of things even though I love the way they look. I find myself wishing I’d dressed less for success and more for fun.
Isn’t it fun seeing our kids enjoying wild dress? (The world has become so serious. So have we – the parents. I agree we need to encourage them to be playful when they can!)
Thanks so much for stopping by to comment, and welcome.
Oh, how youth is wasted on the young. I, too, like to listen to the banter of the younger set and smile quietly. If I had it to do over, I’d make more time to dance like no one was watching.
Well said BLW. In between all of those “I have to do this” moments we should dance. I am reminded of this everyday from my five year old daughter. She dances and sings all the time. I could probably use a little more of that in my own life.
And you’ve had a very close call to remind you. I wish for you and your family many many more glorious moments of dancing.