I find myself sitting in traffic. It’s a dangerous intersection of off-ramps and commercial roadways, with a confusing tangle of turns and lights. But it’s past rush hour and before lunch. Not too bad, I think. I’ll make it through in five or six minutes.
Most of the drivers are waiting patiently. Inching forward as they can. There’s always one guy trying to cut in and out; sometimes he makes headway. Other times, not so much.
Most people – especially when physical safety is concerned – play by the rules. Five minutes isn’t worth a ticket, or the hassle and potential harm of an accident.
And then I see him. One of those massive 18-wheelers, coming from the opposite direction, as he runs a red light. Methodically.
This was not an accidental move. It was blatant.
Given his considerable size, I guess he figured everyone would see him, and no one would get in his way. Typical bully tactic. But effective.
Nobody’s perfect
I’m no angel. Like most of us, I’ve cut a few corners in my life. But generally, I play by the rules – because I believe in doing so. And I don’t respect myself when I behave otherwise.
Are there rules I disagree with? Sure, like everyone – and those are the ones I’m more likely to “bend” if there is necessity to do so. Yet I still try to abide by what’s given. It’s my value system. I believe in a level playing field.
Of course, those of us who start from a premise of fair is fair are often the ones who get rooked by practitioners of “all is fair.” You know the ones. They climb the corporate ladder through favors. They wheedle their way out of responsibilities that you’re left to pick up in addition to your own.
Making excuses
Sometimes the clever conniver is a person you love – someone who uses charm, humor, ruse, or falling back on “boys will be boys” or even “everyone else is doing it.”
Are those excuses or reasons? Are we enabling by accepting them? And is it different on the roadway, in the boardroom, and in the bedroom?
- And what about our children? Do we insist they follow rules that we then break?
- What are we teaching them in this – and in the rules we bend and the rules we dismiss?
- If we turn a blind eye to breaking rules, aren’t we rewarding the cheaters?
- Under certain circumstances, is that view too simplistic?
Work Life
So the best sales guy has a habit of putting extras on the expense account, but he brings in the big deals. No one gets hurt, you say – it’s business.
Or maybe he pulls a few dirty tricks when he cuts out the competition. (Sound like our politicians?) And again, you say he’s playing the game the way it has to be played.
Is this anything goes to win the same as running a red light, lying about homework, or fabricating whatever excuse you need for any behavior you want to justify? It’s a slippery slope, right? And what about the reason for rules in the first place – so when we all converge (in intersections of all sorts) – we’ll know how to behave, not to mention, how to stay safe?
Married Life
And then there’s marriage – a complex system beyond easy explanation. Rules? We know what they are in theory, but might it be better if we termed them guidelines? Or is that in itself a sort of excuse?
Sometimes chemistry, love, need – they obscure a partner’s character. We ignore what we don’t want to see, and accept behaviors in our mates – and ourselves – that may violate our (former) rules. We swim in a growing sea of ambiguity.
Is marriage the exception to playing by the rules, or the epitome of the requirement to do so? Are the rules of the game changeable, malleable, and can we set them differently at varying points in time?
Living in the real world
Living in the real world means compromises. We break rules, we bend them, we are – at times – entirely ignorant of them. Intent plays a role in our legal system, as it does in our personal relationships. It’s inevitable that people will hurt each other at times. We make judgment calls, and sometimes they’re off the mark. We live in the real world.
But if we don’t at least try to play by the rules, individually and collectively, aren’t we degrading every aspect of the world we’re leaving to our children?
Which brings me back to the Big Bad Truck. The very symbol of a bully. And we all know bullies – on the playgrounds, in the conference rooms, and sometimes – sitting across from us at the dinner table. Those for whom might makes right , and if damage is done, it’s done to others.
Karmic retribution?
I don’t believe in it. Call me crazy, call me old-fashioned, call me naive. I’ll take my lumps when I mess up, and comfort in the fact that playing by the rules, I’m a little less likely to leave carnage in my wake.
I’m generally a rule follower. I’ve never been one to rebel or go crazy. I find it uncomfortable. Does that mean I accept without question, perhaps. I’m not sure. Do I NEVER break rules. Of course, not. I’ve been known to speed with the best of them. But I do have set of morals that I think are motivated in part by society’s expectations, rules. I think that makes this a better place to live. At least I think it does in my house. 🙂
I agree with you Christine. I think it makes the world not only a better place to live, but an easier one to, um… navigate. 😉
Rules and driving are something I have yet to figure out. Every day I encounter the driver that feels rules aren’t necessary as he whips around the corner trusting that the people stepping into the street in the crosswalk, legally crossing, will stop and wait for him and the guys behind him who see that yes, the people are not walking… or the cars that honk gleefully at the car who has stopped to let people cross. It seems, sometimes, that the rules are followed only when they serve the best interest of the person involved?
Rules are not always right – and there is an exception to everything, but for the most part, they are there for a reason. It is unfortunate that people feel the need to act in self serving ways such that more and more rules have to be created to protect others. I wonder if the “no right on red” rule was created because too many people were getting hit while legally crossing the street by people in a hurry to turn right?
I know your post was a larger topic than the traffic… and yet I see traffic as a wonderful microscope of human behavior… living in the bubble of a car, unaware of the impact you have on others, often focused on something other than the driving or the world… Last week, holding my daughter’s hand, very visible to the car in the right turn lane, I watched the green hand beckon me forward only to hear the car beside me honk to tell me to stop when I was in the middle of his lane. His frustration (while he was on the phone) was that I had dared to legally cross the road… I just don’t get it.
I will step off my soapbox now – rules… we sometimes have to have the courage to step beyond them to do what is best or “right” and yet… sometimes we have to have the patience to follow them realizing that they serve a purpose.
Interesting thought on the “no right on red” rule, and yes, I was applying this example to other issues – but as you say – it is an excellent model for human behavior that carries over into other arenas. (And we won’t even get into road rage…)
That “bubble” that is a vehicle around us is misleading though, isn’t it. Especially if you’ve been through an accident or two. We’re all quite fragile. We could do with more attentiveness in our vehicles – of all sorts.
You probably won’t be shocked to learn that I am a consummate rule follower. My husband is still surprised after many years together that I continue to be offended when other people fail to meet my compliance standards.
And the place where I am most often disappointed? Behind the wheel. Nothing irks me more than the people who speed along in the breakdown lane past a line of waiting cars, assuming they will be let in – which, of course, they always are. I wonder if I’d be less uptight if I broke the rules a little more often.
Ah yes – the breakdown lane violators. (They’re a special breed. Grrrrr.)
I am definitely a rule follower. It provides a sense of control. I theorize that if you follow a certain rule, you have a certain expectation. I wonder though if I did break rules occasionally if it might fuel creativity.
I think it depends on which rules. 🙂
I am in general a rule follower but I am not a stickler. Does that make sense? It is hard to explain to kids when you break a not-so-important rule for convenience. My 7 year old yells in the back of the car that I am speeding all the time. It gets rather annoying though when we are in the 30-mile zone and I am going 35.
Big bad trucks. Ugh. I know I have issues but I absolutely hate people who drive the Cadillac Escalade. In my mind, there is absolutely no reason for anybody to drive such a monstrosity other than conspicuous consumption at work. If you need something that big to cart your kids, drive a van. If you need something that big to cart stuff, drive a truck. I am biased I know but I give them the death stare every time I see one.
What is it about driving that seems to bring out the worst in us?! Maybe a feeling on anonymity. Or invincibility.
I am definitely a rule follower with a healthy respect (fear) of authority. But I’m okay with the occasional breaking of a rule if needed – ignoring the merge rule if you’re headed to the hospital. Or even an important work meeting. The key is occasional. I just hate when people think they can always break the rules – that they somehow have more rights than I do, and societal norms don’t apply to them. Definitely Big Bad Truck drivers. Argh!!
That “headed to the hospital” is one of the few exceptions… cutting and merging – but not red lights! 🙂 Or else you’re not the only ones headed to the hospital.
I am a rule follower. Perhaps because when I was growing up and didn’t follow the rules, there was retribution. Now I consider it supreme arrogance when people thing the rules don’t apply to them. Not following the rules just opens too many doors for damage to others.
With driving, I am a rule follower as well (outside of speeding from time to time). Cheating a little here and there can quickly become habit forming and encroach into many other areas of life.