Ground to cover
Yesterday blurs over in my mind already; so much ground was covered. From one part of the city to another, like a yo-yo, to and from the house.
Eventually, to the airport at some distance away.
The hours marched along as they had to, simultaneously swift and sluggish: laundry, errands, packing, more errands, more laundry. Gifts to bring overseas. Voltage converter. Pocket dictionary. Yes, tools. Everything to accommodate an extended trip to Europe.
Then the drive, the parking, the walk through the terminal, the check-in. An all-too-quick stroll to the area where a hug was exchanged, I held back tears, and waited beyond the security area as my elder son snaked through the line with all the other travelers. I watched until he was out of my view. My stomach in a knot. And the tears? No longer stoppable.
Isn’t that what parenting is all about? Hellos and goodbyes? Watching until it is no longer our place to do so?
Travel dreams, travel worries
I took the highway home, painfully aware of time, passing. Moving me forward into the utter unknown, alone. And my sons, at a growing distance. As is natural.
The remainder of the day and evening was spent with more shuttling and activities for my 17-year old, even as I waited, restlessly. For the message that my first-born had arrived in his connecting city. Then I waited through the long night until, finally, my phone buzzed with the message from overseas. “Landed.”
Then I slept.
My own French fantasy travel dreams are set aside, for now. And I’m fine with that. I know that I am fortunate to have traveled a great deal when I was younger, to have lived many lives before I married, and since. In other countries. Other cities.
For now the dreams belong to my sons, and the worries – to me. That, too, is only natural.
- Are your children headed off by themselves?
- Are they destined for journeys overseas, for lives that take them far beyond your own travels?
- Will your children live out your dreams, or dreams of their own?
- How easily will you let go, as they literally spread their wings and fly?
Going the distance
Parenting is a marathon affair, though we have no realization of that when we start out. As single parents or solo parents, there are times the expanse of years ahead may seem gargantuan, along with the tasks to be undertaken. It is a challenging road. And extraordinary. So much territory to explore, together. Journeys of emotion and learning, conflict and reconciliation. The daily work of building and sustaining infrastructure that so many take for granted: food, shelter, love.
Harder still is covering the ground necessary to create and exemplify a value system that we wish to bequeath to our next generation.
For our family, it has been this: respect, tolerance, honesty, learning, hard work, curiosity, creativity, kindness, an open mind. And I hope, joy.
Travel destinations
My travels these past years have been great and small. The emotional journeys were the most unexpected; the actual trips – to Paris, to the South of France – Nice, Cannes, Marseille, Aix-en-Provence. Those sojourns have been too few given my love of Europe, and in particular, my affinity for a culture in which I find myself more alive, and more at ease.
I dream in French; I dream of France. I long to see Brussels again. And Amsterdam. To see Italy, one day.
My elder son has already visited and lived where I have not: Dublin, Brittany, the heart of the French countryside with his cousins. I’ve managed to provide him the travel necessary for every academic opportunity he has earned, and there were many. Up and down the East Coast of the US, to Canada and to Europe.
There is soon to be an important trip for my younger son. Well-deserved, and hard-won, as he and I continue to go the distance.
Two passports, the world to see
With dual citizenship, my sons have the right to two passports should they want or need them. My elder has a European Union passport as well as American, which enables him to work abroad.
I thumbed through his well-worn American passport before he left: Paris and Brussels multiple times. Other European cities – destinations and stop-overs. A passport filled with stamps, and more to come. The signs of a global life – of tolerance, curiosity, learning, joy. Exactly what I hoped for him, and for his brother.
The world, wide open. And within grasp.
I know exactly how you feel. I’m planning my depression for when Army Wife/Guy/Peanut are assigned a base and move out of our home. I just don’t think I’ll be able to watch the moving van leave without causing some kind of flood in the driveway. And then there’s College Girl who is no longer a “college girl” as she graduated a couple of weeks ago (I Shot the Last Arrow). She will be a temporary border before leaving the nest for her own once a job comes through. I just hope they are all stateside. It will make me feel a little more connected.
Planning your depression, Lisa – I love it! (Maybe I should do that. Though I will say, so I wouldn’t miss my elder quite so much today, I actually took a big chunk of hours AWAY from my computer. Virtually (ho ho) unheard of for me. I walked, wandered, saw a certain movie (shhhhhh)… and chatted with strangers. It was lovely. Much better than sitting at my computer and being wistful about my kids.)
What wonderful growth opportunities you have provided for your sons. They are very lucky young men.
My oldest went on a 10 tour of Europe when she was about 16 and due to bad weather they missed their connecting flight in DC and spent their first “night” traveling overnight at the Dulles airport. I never felt so out of control as a parent. My child was stuck in an airport overnight over 3 states away and there was absolutely NOTHING I could do about it! But, she survived it and is a better adult now because (or maybe in spite)of it. Sounds like he is off for an adventure but I feel YOUR pain of letting go. SO bittersweet.
Ugh! Stuck overnight in Dulles! Yes, I can imagine it would feel terrible, not being able to do anything.
And yes, you hit it on the head. It is bittersweet.
So far my kids have not arrived at solo travel, but family travel has passed the cusp of challenging. This summer’s plan is to keep it fairly local and bring a kid friend along to see if that makes it just like old times (when we just said what we were doing and kids fell in line more or less happily… or did that never quite happen?).
It’s great that you’ve supported your kids to be so international, a more widespread wider world-view amongst more of our collective kids would likely help our country be better integrated into the world over time.
Hope your son has a great time and that you too enjoy the Memorial Day weekend.
My youngest is traveling this summer, starting with tomorrow. His travels will be much more domestic, though. Tomorrow he heads to NYC for the day – cruise around Manhattan, a show and a few other stops with the high school music department. Then, he has asked to be able to go with his girlfriend’s family to Ocean City for a week in June. And it will continue, I am sure.
It is hard to watch my kids travel because I want to go with them. My road trips have been much shorter in recent days.
I sometimes find myself complaining about my little one at my feet. She is four and I am her world. But I need to slap myself on the wrist because I know I will experience the moments you have with your children. Letting go, letting them experience the world one day and all you can do is just hope for the best. Thanks for the reminder – it makes me appreciate what I’ve been cursing sometimes under my breath.
I hope that my little girl has lots of opportunities to travel. There is so much that I want her to see and do!
This seems a world away for me (pardon the pun) as my children are only learning to walk (that in and of itself is an exciting journey). But it makes me sad for what I DIDN’T do when I had the chance. Life’s regrets, is it possible to fix it? I’m not sure, but I’m working on a plan to try.
Christine – There are advantages to having kids younger, and different advantages when you’re older. Traveling can come before, after or during raising your family – along with pursuing your dreams. It helps if your parenting partner is cooperative and values the same dreams, but if you want it… sometimes you can have it.
Mama Zen – travel is so wonderful for all of us. When we’re young, we’re so open and non-judgmental. And we absorb languages more easily as well. I hope you and your girls have some of these opportunities, too.
Goodbyes with family have never been easy for me at airports either. I, too, wait until the traveler leaving me is out of view or, if I’m in the security line, I turn around every few feet to see if I can still see the person I’m leaving. Something about that last look. You want to hold on to it, to know you got every second of togetherness you could get.
I know what you mean, CT. It is like a last bit of togetherness. My son, on the other hand, did not look back. He steps with confidence into his manhood, more and more.