Women in the baby blur
You know that blur that occurs after (most) women have babies? And they don’t have nannies to help, or nearby family stepping in on a regular basis, or maybe they do, but the reality of the days and nights is a growing fuzziness, a stream of sleeplessness and round-the-clock activity?
You know how for (many) women it lasts more than a month or two, and effectively continues for a year, or three, or five – depending on how many kids, how much help, and whether you can “escape” to another self via an outside job, or an occasional few days off?
Women navigating work-life balance
You know how for (some) women juggling parenting and working outside the home, everything except the guts of those two jobs falls away? And I mean everything else – the local news, the national news, even world news, not to mention who’s on the cover of People Magazine, what star had what surgery, purple is in but pink is out, which politician wrote the latest Kiss-Tell-Forgive-Me story, and which Generation XYZ is chillin’ to their particular iTunes?
I call that Fred. My planet. My truest home town. And for some of us, it lasts more than a decade. By the time we blink ourselves into focus, so much life has passed in a blur, it’s roller blades to attempt to catch up, except roller blades have gone the way of skate boards and motorized scooters, passed in a flurry of trends we barely remember, and never really gave a hoot about.
Women, life, and the pop culture hole punch
Oh, I have TV flashing images and projecting voices in the background, the small number of shows on cable that I genuinely love. I know the far-off cities I’ve never seen and want to explore – Florence and Venice, Lisbon and Madrid. I know who runs the country (yes, I vote), and I am aware of breaking news and a handful of issues.
But beyond that, I cannot keep up. It is all about another day, and another day, and another day though pop culture punches its way into my consciousness but only in a peripheral fashion. It isn’t that I don’t give a damn; I run out of hours, done in by the schedules and decisions of everyday life.
This woman’s planet is a set of ever-changing logistical details balanced on the head of pin. That pin doubles as a ubiquitous fastener for the tricky structure of my physical, emotional, and familial territory. Me. Kids. Food in fridge. Responsibilities. Words. Health, too often low (wo)man on the totem pole.
Even my shoes are gathering dust! So must I feel guilty about ignorance of the latest celebrity scoop or pop music group? Am I lost because I never saw LOST? Beyond redemption and without exemption?
- Do you have your own planet?
- Would you rather stay there?
- Guilty about it or too harried to care?
Women and friends, not trends
When I get to (eventually) take a breather from Fred’s atmospheric albeit familiar chemical mix, I have a long list of seemingly simple wants to pursue. There are books I’d like to read, art exhibitions around the world that await (hello, money growing on trees?), my itching desire to discover Italy (si, e vero), to sit in a café again in Paris, to sit anywhere, anytime, a guerrilla writer holding my gaze and my pen. I would take more friends over trends, and four nights of consecutive sleep – on any planet.
Your planet – by any other name?
There are always necessary priorities in life. I don’t even remember my 30’s – that time when my children were young. I was also trying to develop a music program in a public school. This meant long hours and weekends that I wasn’t home. When I was home I shared in the child care – long nights and diapers. There was no time to think of myself or my own needs. The problem with this is that I let myself go, physically, emotionally, and psychologically. I had no idea who I was after 10 years of just going going going. I am still working on regaining ‘Self.’ It has been a hard road. I suggest anyone in the situation of bringing up a young family and nurturing a young relationship to take the time for Self now and then. Never lose touch with your personal ‘Beloved.’ If you do, the consequences can be devastating.
Yes, I like to call it Stella. Because, eventually I will get my groove back, right?
The blur comes and goes. There is little or no escape from it until our children leave us and then we sit and wonder where the world we knew went.
I have tried the slow down and focus now, while I still have one at home. Problem is I need someone to help me with it. I can’t do it myself. I find I slip back into that old – someone has to do it so I might as well mode way too easily.
I made a conscious effort to scale back on volunteer activities a few years back. This way I have only a few big ones that come and then go. Nothing that blurs the world constantly. I focus on different things now but still have the same little time left for me. I need to get back to me soon.
I, also, have never seen a single episode of “Lost”. I set my own priorities, but I get what I must do done. Some of my interests may seen a bit simple to most, but it’s where I find happiness. I’m one of those weird people that actually enjoy time to myself, and now that I my kids are somewhat grown I am able to get it as well as time with hubby. I’ve had the days of running around, trying to do it all with nurturing the kids and forgetting about nurturing myself. It’s nice to find me, but in doing so I found I had never really lost myself. I also think too many people look to others for happiness when they have the ability within themselves to achieve it.
I am from the planet Help Me. Alas, nobody is listening.
I think we need personalized Planet t-shirts. That might help.
Personalized Planet t-shirts. This is genius.
And, um, are you in my brain today? Everything falls by the wayside. I spent the day reconciling all of our various bank accounts and credit cards and grew increasingly frustrated that I hadn’t done it in so long, that I barely had a handle on things, that I found out I was late AGAIN on a bill–I’m never late!
And when the news was on last night and some John Edwards crap came on I clicked right off. I don’t know the latest. I don’t care to. It’s waste of brain space at this point. I know the basics. I hear some juicy tidbits on Twitter. I catch the People headlines at the hair salon every 2 months. But life, Fred or Stella or Help Me or, just, LIFE, she is busy and hectic and burying me. Over and over again. Deeper and deeper all the time. And I find that my mood resonates strong and confident because of this on one day…and insecure and helpless on the next.
Fuck it all. Let’s have some coffee with Kahlua.
I don’t like to admit it, BLW, but I completely missed the Sopranos. Yes, it’s true. We somehow have a trillion cable channels but not HBO. Also, I’m more concerned about just having that darn Disney channel so my daughter can watch TV and FX so my son can.
I’m balancing on the head of a pin too, so much so that I haven’t even named my planet yet. But I will, I swear…
I’m kind of aghast about how many people are asking me if I watched the Grammys. Hi, have we met? The only music I listen to (practically) are musicals. My planet is Broadway-adjacent.
I love Sarah’s last sentence. I’m with her…
We can live there all the time. We always have the option to create our own reality. And we are constantly reinventing our lives.
Will be needing a new variant on Fred soon. (Fredérique??)