• Home
  • About
  • Around
  • Contributors
  • Applause

Daily Plate of Crazy

  • Relationships
    • Dating
    • Love
    • Marriage
    • Divorce
    • Life After Divorce
  • Parenting
    • Advice
    • Babies and Kids
    • Tweens and Teens
    • College Kids
    • Single Moms
    • Older Moms
    • Dads
    • Family Dynamics
    • Money Matters
    • Work-Life
  • Health
  • Sex
  • Women’s Issues
  • Fashion & Style
    • Chaussures
    • Fashion
    • Style
    • Lingerie
    • Interiors
  • Culture
  • More
    • Art Art Art
    • Business
    • En Français
    • Entertainment
      • Mad Men
      • Mad Men Reviews
      • Real Housewives
      • Movies
      • Celebrities
      • Work of Art Reviews
    • Flash
    • Food & Recipes
    • Lifestyle
    • Morning Musing
    • Starting Over
    • Technology
    • Travel
    • Women and Money
You are here: Home / Dreams / Next generation marriage

Next generation marriage

January 23, 2010 by D. A. Wolf 7 Comments

“I want to get married,” he says.

The words are fired off into the air and seem to settle there, stark and defiant, as though some invisible structure of wires and pulleys holds the phrase in place so I cannot turn away. Then each letter tumbles down through the air, disintegrating.

These are special effects. Perhaps I am viewing a movie trailer.

Now there is quiet. It floats between us, but is not awkward. I wonder if he saw me flinch when he spoke. I wonder if surprise registered in my eyes.

* * *

He sits on the love seat in the living room and I cannot help but smile at the term, love seat. So arcane, yet with the sweep of history. She insisted on explicit terms, and I am grateful. Everything had a name. Every legacy is mixed.

Could it be that I lose my nouns to spite her?

* * *

The room is preserved exactly as it was: brown corduroy upholstery, my father’s sitting chair, the small end table with a stack of books, and photographs in gilt-edged frames. I see myself, gap toothed and six years old. My bangs are badly trimmed. My face is pink and round.

By the hearth there is a copper bucket filled with logs, a black poker and a worn straw broom. My grandmother’s portrait hangs over the mantel. The wallpaper is typical of the sixties, a mossy pattern of laurels, fanning out against a creamy background with the effect of toile. But my mother would never have toile. She disliked the French and made no bones about it.  So I have embraced the French language, and culture. I made them mine.

* * *

I try to focus, but the lighting is dim. There are four windows, yet heavy shades are lowered and lamps switched off. I know there is beauty here, but it is difficult to make out. This is a place where breathing is chore enough; seeing is mystifying.

Now my first-born is here, and I wonder how and why we find ourselves in the house emptied of objects five years ago. I helped with the sorting and inventory, the packing and labeling, rummaging through drawers, confirmation of suffering and secrets. This is a snapshot, the blue chill of lingering strictures, a house that I cannot return to, a house where memories are fixed and unfixable, where the mother loved then hurt, hurt then dismissed, dismissed then betrayed.

“It is just a house,” I tell myself.

* * *

He is the son of pain and divorce, the grandchild of pain and divorce, and he tells me he wants to marry. Somehow, I have convinced him that love exists. But I cannot hide my worry. There is no woman yet, though he declares his intentions.

“Why do you want to marry?” I ask.

He is pensive.

“To be alone seems sad. Look how sad you are.”

* * *

Now I hear his statement from weeks ago. “I blame both of you,” he says.

Words hang in the air between us, refusing to disintegrate. Five words, five years, five hundred whispers to a god who turns away. I am beyond the dream; my sons are not and I am scared for them, and relieved, and hide my face so they will not see my tears.

“Your grandparents got it right,” he  says. “It must be possible.”

Yes, I think, but I know marriage in another guise: complex and constraining, delicate and breakable, impractical and impermanent. A well of unfathomable depths, and no means to climb out.

* * *

I am the child of unlit rooms, but my sons are not. I am the child of a tongue I do not speak, but my sons are not. I am the claustrophobic who dreams of venturing, and I have on occasion. My sons will journey far beyond my borders.

Perhaps I can raise these shades and allow the day to begin, but in this moment my legs and arms will not obey my command and I am aware only of their weight and their aching, the alarm in its irritating noise, the need to wake, to check on my younger son who is certainly still asleep, the need to drive, early, so we may get on with things.

© D A Wolf

FacebooktwitterpinterestlinkedinmailFacebooktwitterpinterestlinkedinmail

Filed Under: Dreams, Love, Morning Musing, Parenting Tagged With: anniversaries, big little wolf, biglittlewolf, child's view of marriage, children of divorce, contemporary culture, daily plate of crazy, dailyplateofcrazy, dream analysis, Dreams, Marriage and Divorce, memories, men and women, Parenting, Single Parenting, whatever life dishes out, women's issues, writing

Comments

  1. Kristen @ Motherese says

    January 23, 2010 at 1:21 pm

    A beautiful, if painful, piece.

    Reply
  2. Linda says

    January 23, 2010 at 6:03 pm

    Kids are always so judgmental about their parents decisions, and they’re so invested in their parents marriage, wanting the preservation of that marriage at all costs. Of course right now he thinks he can do it better than you did it, even with some fictive girl from the future. He will hold it together at all costs.

    Reply
  3. Steve says

    January 23, 2010 at 7:01 pm

    This is you at your best. It makes me want more, as in a novel. Yes, this could easily be a page out of a novel.

    Reply
  4. Daily Connoisseur says

    January 23, 2010 at 8:44 pm

    Beautifully written…

    Reply
  5. Maureen@IslandRoar says

    January 23, 2010 at 8:47 pm

    Utterly beautiful…

    Reply
  6. Nicki says

    January 24, 2010 at 6:56 am

    Amazing. The love, the pain all in one spot. I will always read more but this is beautiful in its complexity.

    Reply
  7. Sarah says

    January 26, 2010 at 9:55 am

    Steve is right, Wolfie. This is you at your best. Allowing us in. Allowing the pain in a not-so-objective sort of way. This is you. Just you. And life. Just life. And there is so much beauty in both.

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

 

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Follow Us

FacebooktwitterrssinstagramFacebooktwitterrssinstagram

Search Daily Plate of Crazy

Subscribe for Your Daily Serving

Enter your email address:

Delivered by FeedBurner

Categories

Archives

Recent Comments

  • Anonymous on Does Effort Matter If You Don’t Get Results?
  • D. A. Wolf on Mantras
  • D. A. Wolf on Over 50, Unemployed, Depressed and Powerless
  • Marty on When You Marry a Loner
  • Tina on Would You Brag About Your Age?
  • Sal on Over 50, Unemployed, Depressed and Powerless
  • Open More Doors If You Want More Skills - 3 Plus International on Open More Doors If You Want More Skills
  • Leonora C on Over 50, Unemployed, Depressed and Powerless
  • Maree on Mantras
  • kate on DON’T Call Me Dear!
  • Stephanie on Narcissism. Manipulation. Keeping Score.
  • S on When a Couple Wants Different Things

The Makeover Series

Daily Plate of Crazy: The Makeover Series

Essays From Guest Writers

Daily Plate of Crazy: Essay Series

Daily Reads

Daily Plate of Crazy Blogroll

Follow

Follow

Notices

All content on this site, DailyPlateOfCrazy.com, is copyrighted by D. A. Wolf unless copyright is otherwise attributed to guest writers. Do not use, borrow, repost or create derivative works without permission.

© D. A. Wolf 2009-2025. All Rights Reserved.

Parlez-vous francais?

Daily Plate of Crazy: En Français

© D. A. Wolf 2009-2025
All Rights Reserved

Daily Plate of Crazy ™

Privacy Notice

Popular This Month

  • 50 Years old and Starting Over
  • Best Places to Live When You're Over 50 and Reinventing
  • When the Person You Love Is Emotionally Unavailable
  • When a Couple Wants Different Things
  • How to Comfort Someone Who Is Stressed

Food for Thought

  • Why I Choose to Think Like a Man
  • When You Marry a Loner
  • Emotionally Needy Parents
  • Sex vs. Lovemaking: Why Are We So Confused?
  • Think Looks Don't Pay?
  • Rebranding Mediocrity: Why Good Enough Isn't Good Enough

Copyright © 2025 · Metro Pro Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in

This site uses cookies for the best browsing experience. By continuing to use this site, you accept our Cookie Policy.
Cookie SettingsACCEPT
Manage consent

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously.
CookieDurationDescription
cookielawinfo-checkbox-analytics11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-functional11 monthsThe cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-necessary11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-others11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other.
cookielawinfo-checkbox-performance11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance".
viewed_cookie_policy11 monthsThe cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. It does not store any personal data.
Functional
Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features.
Performance
Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors.
Analytics
Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc.
Advertisement
Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads.
Others
Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet.
SAVE & ACCEPT