Sugar, cookie?
Nope. Not a recipe. Nope, not a rhyme. Nope, I haven’t hit the egg nog, sumptuously spiked with more than fresh nutmeg. But this morning, all I could think of was sugar cookies. Scads of them, lightly flavored with lemon, or orange, or almond. Covered with sparkles. Strategically. Because these aren’t just any sugar cookies, these are capricious classics that catapult me back to another time and place in my life.
Confessions of a cookie-holic
I have a confession to make. Part of my deep, dark, but oh-so-delicious past has to do with adult amusements in the cookie trade. Oh, not professionally mind you, and it all started as a lark more than twenty years ago, for my colleagues. Since my penchant for baking was well known, at holiday time I put my wee bit of drawing skill to use in crafting custom cookies for my friends at the office.
Of what? Yep. Nudes. Not exclusively, but mostly – and to order! We worked long hours on systems projects, and a little sugar with a dash of humor went a long way in boosting morale. My most popular item? The female nude, of course!
Naturally, my cookies were tasty. And anatomically correct. A bit of Venus, a bit of David, my arty nude torsos were so desirable that I had to start well before the holidays, and by year 2 was custom creating blonds, brunettes, and body types on request.
Bawdy baking for delightful desserts!
Yes, I was a kindly if quirky cookie maker, a bawdy baker, a chef full of shenanigans, and two friends frequently joined in the fun, fun, fun. Were there other objets depicted? Fine footware, of course, as well as computers, portraits and almost anything that could be drawn in dough.
So – if you’re looking for love, lovemaking, or just sexy sweets to melt in your mouth, try your hand at a naughty nibble!
What easy ingredients do you need? 
Have a favorite recipe for sugar cookies, or cookie dough you like? Just start with your basics, and take it from there. What else?
- A steady hand to draw and cut basic shapes
- Jimmies, sprinkles and other cookie decorating bits
- A sense of humor
- Vanilla, almond, lemon or peppermint extract for extra pizzaz
And while I didn’t bake as much as usual this year, this afternoon I was inspired. My teenagers got a good laugh out of it, and it’s nice to know I can still get creative in the cuisine. So grab a loved one, a rolling pin, heat that oven, and bite into something sweet for the new year!
Helpful cookie baking hint
Do remember that cookie dough expands! To make your torsos come out something less than Botero-style, make them a bit on the thin side, and they’ll end up about a woman’s dress size 12. Similar approach required for the male torso – or anything else you care to create.
So if cookie dough expands, how do you work that male torso – 😉 ?
Again, your posts are sweet and spicy all on one cookie sheet. Can’t wait to take a bite!
Almond sugar cookies! I love these and while my memories do not go to nudes (although I may try some tomorrow), you have conjured up some wonderful memories.
What a fun fun Idea. I remember my father getting naughty cakes on his birthdays when I was younger but these ‘take the cake’. Gotta make some soon.
Happy New year to you as well!
I haven’t made these in so many years. My teenagers were cracking up, so I got some points for providing entertainment as well as food!
What exactly is a naughty cake anyway?
OMG I’m dying out here! That’s hilarious! Dang girl, if we hung out for even one night it would be crazy! The things you’d talk me into! You’ve already talked me into trying out this idea with my single friends! LOL! I can’t cook a meal to save my soul, but one thing I can do is BAKE!!! Hee! Hee! Okay, define bake, yeah, I know. I know!
Well, everyone loves a hand in the cookie jar… but I wasn’t kidding that you need to plan for expansion! Here’s an outtake – I didn’t roll the cookie dough thin enough, and I didn’t make the torso thin enough. Might we say it’s a cautionary tale if you over-indulge? (When my boys saw this in the oven, it was ROTFL time.)
You are too much! I’m sure you were always on the nice list after making these sultry sweets 🙂
I don’t recall any lumps of coal in my stockings… 🙂
Tasty on so many levels!
Guess what I’m doing with my boys next weekend! It sounds as if you guys are having entirely too much fun at your house.
You naughty thing! I almost spit out my tea when I saw that!