Real men don’t wear pumps

Call me crazy, but every time I see a man in high heels – not lifts, mind you – high heels – ladies high heels – I shake my head. Do you hear me Real Housewives of Atlanta?

I’m not talking cross-dressing, drag queens, or trannies in pumps. To them, I say go for it, though it’s irritating when your legs are better than mine. In fact, I’m très open-minded on many issues of global import, compared to most on both sides of the Hotlantic. But come on, real men don’t wear pumps! At least… the impression given by this show, that gay men in Atlanta routinely slip into spikey slides, is silly.

Speaking of Real Housewives of Atlanta

I scream, you scream, we all scream about the Real Housewives of Atlanta, and I get a kick out of reality TV as much as the next guy. But RHOA offends me on oh-so-many levels – for the women I know of all ethnic backgrounds, for the children being raised to worship the almighty buck, for the nurturing single moms trying to do it all. Hell, for the mistresses (and the misters?) I’ve known, who don’t flaunt and sashay while their playmates live with spouse and kids!

And seriously – I’m mortified, for entire families who could pay bills for a year on one of Kim’s necklaces. And then there are my friends who live in Atlanta – men and women, gay and straight, who’d never be caught dead (even for entertainment) in some of these slick, souped-up scenarios.

All that aside – confession time. It’s the show you love to hate. And with Bravo TV often humming in the background by evening, well, um… OKAY.  I watch. And I hate myself after. But then I feel so normal as the closing credits roll. Who needs Prozac when we have Kim, NeNe, and OMG, Sherée? As for Lisa, I’m holding my tongue, and likewise on Kandi who seems the most genuine – and genuinely talented – of the Hotlanta crew.

But RHOA raises the male footwear issue, and OMG OMG OMG. When I saw Dwight in those booties with 4″ heels (at NeNe’s rowdy run to raise bucks for “Heel the Soul”), I needed smelling salts, and Betty Draper’s fainting couch. I know… it’s not my business and I’m a firm believer in doing what makes you happy if it causes no harm. But can I say that my tootsies hurt just thinking about anyone running in 4 inch heels?

Footwear fun

To be frank, I’m a fan of Dwight’s pointy-toed Euro footwear, when he indulges, which reminds me of France. So I’m not talking Euro fashionistos or French aristos; I’m talking men in ladies shoes. Men in high heels. Hairy legs. Kankles. None too pretty IMO, for any gender.

If you ogle via Google, is that Gogling?

I did do a bit of online research on the topic of men and heels, and… There was a (short-lived) trend of hetero men in heels, circa 2007. And who knows, it may be swinging back into style in certain circles. To each his own, I say, but also – and without malice… not my preference.

In cruising the net I discovered an article on men and high heels from Examiner.com – offered by a European fashion examiner located in… you guessed it – Hotlanta! Nonetheless, it’s an informative article, and the writer raises some interesting facts. That said, I’m not talking “man heels” à la French Prez Sarkozy or European fashion which has always provided a slightly more dandyish (and quite enjoyable) set of options for men to express their personal panache.

Planet Fred, oui

On my planet, real men do eat quiche (and a whole lot of other things), but they don’t wear pumps. Then again, who says my planet is the only planet? And who says a little interplanetary travel isn’t both enjoyable and wise? And if pumps make you happy, whoever you are, have at it!

As for moi, I’m happy to have a gentleman enamored of my petits pieds and fantasy footwear. But I don’t want him trying any of it on, thank you. And that’s why the universe has many planets, after all.

What about you, ladies and gents? When indulging in Reality TV, popcorn and Prada?