“You’re trouble,” he said.

“You’re trouble,” he said. I didn’t know the gentleman, but he’s right. Yes, I am.

It was a brief exchange, yesterday – just a moment with no names – but filled with the fleeting flutter of engagement, and a little smile, the kind that lasts through long days, lightening them so they become more manageable.

It’s about connection; playful personas must exercise their reach, no?

In my world, words are the currency to gain passage, the gems that retain their value as well as their sparkle, rolling around in my mind’s ear with their sonorous suggestions, mischievous meanings, and oh so much volupté – sensory pleasure. Wordplay sustains the foundation of every friendship I’ve ever had – and the most passionate romantic relationships I’ve experienced. After all – where there’s wordplay, there’s often sexual fire. And I do love to play with fire.

Coupling, uncoupling, and recoupling

No one wants to die alone.

There. I said it. We all think it. Especially as we get older. But should that thought determine the direction of our love lives?

Whatever the year of my birth, I’ve got a bit of kick left in these little legs. On a good day, I’m brimming with sexual energy – like many of us over 40. And I want to pour that energy into an erotic embrace, with an equally enthusiastic partner.

Tic toc, a different clock

I’m ready to take a bite out of life when something exciting – or someone – pops onto my planet. And I don’t wait around for him to be delivered on a platter – silver or otherwise. I never have. Why would I now?

Aches and pains? Naturally. But I’m still vital, curious, sexual, and able to pull off a little seduction now and then, or delight in being on the receiving end.

So why feel pressed to choose someone to spend my life with, unless it feels right? Unless he feels right, for me, in all the ways that matter? Just because there’s a tic toc not of my making in the background? Social pressure to be part of a couple, or fear of being alone?

Life à deux and life solo

Oh, I’d so much rather hear “you’re trouble” from an appreciative stranger! I can clutch those words to my breast with sweet satisfaction until a man who thrills me in every way slips beside me into bed… Of course life à deux is delicious! But it can also be deadening if it’s the wrong duo. And life solo – while harder in some ways – is also an adventure, freeing, and up to each of us to shape.

I hope I will always be “trouble.” And that means I won’t do what so many single people begin to do around 40, and even more so as the years stack up. And that’s settle. I can’t help but think it’s because in the back of their minds, there’s a little voice saying “I don’t want to die alone.” Perhaps it’s another variation: “I don’t want to live alone.”

Good voices, bad voices

Do you settle for relationships that don’t respect who you are, much less help you make yourself more? Are you coupling with too many caveats and compromises, whether for the first time, the second, or the third?

So many people are desperately searching for a partner, and willing to accept someone who doesn’t quite “fit,” but seems “good enough.”

I want, I want, I want…

“You’re trouble,” he said. That little phrase unchained a delirium of thoughts and images that remind me – 

• I still desire men; in fact, I love men, dammit!
• I want to put on my stilettos and stockings, and feel sexy.
• I want to wear my hot little pencil skirt with slits that I adore.
• I want to go out on the town with a man who leaves me breathless.
• I want to know he’ll have difficulty keeping his hands to himself.
• Then I want to frolic all night, in bed, on the floor, or anywhere else that might please us…

I want to wake to the heat of a lover next to me, to his smile, his fingertips seeking their favorite spots, his throaty voice as he whispers “J’ai envie de toi…”

And that heat is sexual, intellectual, emotional and mutual, charged with his imagination, and mine. Because I cannot settle.

And, because we’re both “trouble.”

Click images (corset and stockings) to access originals at Mio Destino (UK) and Wolford Fine Lingerie, respectively.



© D A Wolf

Big Little Wolf’s Daily Plate of Crazy