Ten tips on love?
Catchy, isn’t it? If only it were that simple – as easy as a sound bite, or the Idiot’s Guide to Love – ways to hop on and off the love-go-round and grab that brass ring once and for all. Step right up! Great love, loyalty, passion! And a no-boredom money-back guarantee!
We all want tips on love. Practical advice to help the guy get the girl, to rekindle the marital relationship, or to heal the broken heart.
Possible?
When it comes to love (in all its incarnations), I feel like a veteran of foreign wars. And I know I’m not alone in that.
Plenty of us feel like we deserve a purple heart for heroic deeds, skirmishes survived, and past service. So… is that it? Am I done? Are you?
Hmm. As for me, probably not. You never know what might be just around the corner – online, at the local Starbucks, or your favorite bookstore. But I don’t think there are easy tips, at any age.
Surprise, surprise
When you’ve been through romance, marriage, divorce, possibly remarriage – hopefully you get a little wiser. I know I’ve learned a few things. Among them, that we can all be (happily) surprised! Last spring I was talking on the phone to my 75-year old aunt, widowed after forty years of marriage. She’d met someone, and was in love. How cool is that?
My OMG moments this week were overflowing with mixed emotions. I sent one teen off to college, just as I was processing the shock over my 16-year old’s blossoming babe magnet status. I’m holding my breath, on all counts… 
A simpler approach
I don’t think love is ever simple. Not parental love, not friendship love, and certainly not romantic love in all its shades and variations.
Ten tips on love? Don’t think so. But I do believe we can give ourselves a better chance at finding and keeping love, with a few things I’ve picked up along the way.
- Know yourself. The more you know about what melts your heart, the easier it is to let down your guard. And if your gut is telling you to walk away, do it. Quickly.
- Statistics and logistics. It’s common sense. If you live where the ratio of potential partners is in your favor, you stand a better probability of meeting someone to love. Four hours apart and six kids between you? The logistics aren’t in your favor.
- Social and communication skills. If you’re outgoing and easy to talk to, you’re more likely to engage and be engaged, so the odds go up of meeting all kinds of people, including potential partners. Listening and talking (both) will help sustain a relationship, once you’re in it. Or let you know it’s time to move on.
- Most of us have a physical type – whatever the reason for it, I think it tends to stick. Going against type – physically – may leave you wanting. (Personally, I think it’s a mistake to go against physical type, unless sex is unimportant to you.)
- We also have an emotional type – though it changes as we gain experience and our perceptions evolve. Perhaps it’s one of the reasons that people don’t mate for life – and shouldn’t be faulted for it. Needs change. It’s neither good nor bad. It just “is.”
What more can I offer?
After a pretty exhausting week of goodbyes, hellos, more goodbyes, too many trips to the airport, too many tears on the train – I think it’s Bloody Mary time, heavy on the fresh ground pepper.
Other than that, all I can offer is a sense of humor (on a good day), and hot shoes, anytime – just in case…
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Ahhhh! I love this post!!! You are so right on all counts, though I have my own confession to make. I’m currently dating (is that what we call it these days?) someone who goes against my physical type (though he’s not unattractive to me). He, however, soars off the charts on the emotional type.
This brings up another great point: there is never the guy or gal who stacks up perfectly in every category. Or…is there?
I’d love to know your thoughts on that topic!
Oh, and in my next life…I want to look like that first picture! Yeah, the black stockings, stilettos and short skirt…that’s the one! 😀
I really enjoyed your comments on the blog. Thank you so much for your thought provoking words.
Personally I am not sure I agree about locking ourselves into a “type”. I have always gone for a certain physical type and then found I was attracted to someone emotionally. That led to an intense physical attraction. And now, I have more physical types that I’m attracted to!
I am doing my best to allow love to show itself to me in whatever form it chooses. I’ve found that I’m happier that way.
I do agree that people don’t mate for life. It would be nice if we could grow together. I do think its possible but it takes two people who want it and actively work at it.
Great post. Great blog!!
Yeah, I get what you’re saying about the things that drive you crazy in a bad way and thanks for clarifying about the “type” thing… I agree on all aspects.