Flash… In Fifteen

The International House of Pancakes

There’s the pancake house on mornings after a late night of lovemaking when it still is and you don’t mind so much that he rousts you from bed when all you want is coffee and instead you rationalize the quick shower, the perfunctory kiss, and the 10-minute drive.

So you settle into the same booth as usual because he’s ravenous and grinning and though you’re tired of the paper menus with the routine offerings - buttermilk with syrup, buttermilk with blueberries, eggs and bacon with a short stack – you’re fascinated by the patterns as water glasses are set down and picked up and set down again, making their mark in rings.

Your mind is on rings because your friends babble of nothing else; they have them and they want you to have one too or more specifically a pair – one for the promise and the other as they like to say, making it legal.

But your preference is to marvel at the way water rings form shapes like a kaleidoscope not to mention the Olympic symbol each time a waitress who ought to be named Flo lifts a glass, fills it up, and plops it down again. You watch him scarf his flapjacks with syrup and blueberries as you sip coffee and nibble on a piece of wheat toast and after he eats he’s affectionate and reaches for your hand, filled with good humor and bits about his next business trip or the upcoming ball game or his buddy weekend, and it isn’t that you’re disinterested so much as you’re beginning to see that while you’re part of his life it’s the way he fits you into his life that is disconcerting, though you set it aside when he calls you baby, sweetie, angel.

And there is no way to differentiate between an expansive soul and a heel really; you’re too young or too dumb or both, though you let it all go and prepare your goodbyes after the “slip” despite months of apologies and even occasional flowers, only letting him in again as your girlfriends convince you you’re lucky because most guys wouldn’t be honest and he’s honoring the relationship by telling you and saying he gets why you’re upset and besides, it’s not like you’re engaged, right?

Then he takes you home to meet his parents and shortly after, you are.

In fact, the pattern of giving you what he thinks you want after a transgression – from not listening to forgetting your anniversary to whatever else may be going on that you don’t know and only sense – it all becomes the stack of excuses year after year, the stacked foundation of who he is, the stack of bills he pushes your way as though you’re crazy to argue with “it’s only fair, you make more money,” and you’re managing the house and the kids and kicking in to his pals’ latest ventures and now it’s clear that his money is his and your money is his, too. But by this time it’s marriage and your friends shrug and say their husbands wouldn’t do that but hey, everything else is alright, isn’t it?

And it is because it looks like it is. And it is because you accept the absences. And it is because the constancy of lapses in this or that isn’t so different from your mother’s version of marriage though you’re telling yourself this is a happier place, and you hang on to the reasons you loved him like his smile and his stories and his curiosity. And then you’re searching for more than a smile and stories and curiosity and you find, well… nothing.

By now there’s simply his life and your life and there’s little that connects you except for public shows of pleasantries and his tolerance for what is now your distance which you decide is entirely your fault until someone reminds you decades later that you’re still in there – a warm heart, a bundle of desires, a woman who wants a man who loves her more than pancakes or buddy weekends or absence, a man who will not call her baby, sweetie, angel and never use her name because she begins to wonder if he even remembers it.

You aren’t the one who walks but you know the shoes that are made for doing so and you smile at the Nancy Sinatra song by that name that occasionally pops up in the wrong decade and demands white boots rather than Nikes or Weitzmans, but you know your takeaways if you ever dare and they aren’t about things at all but lessons, and you wonder why we insist on our lessons as though that compensates for years gone and dreams defecting.

You dismiss any notions of endings because there are children counting on you and despite some core of a self that says no to the indifference you are anchored to an even stronger no to anything like irresponsibility.

And so the heels you would use to walk sit idly, and you stick with the heel who no longer takes you to the pancake house, who rarely appears in the marital bed, who talks a good game in a crowd and leaves you to the silence of empty rooms and wondering what year it was the two of you saw those Olympics anyway, competitors in bright garb that cycle by in such a blur that all you catch is an impression of arrival and departure.


Flash fiction is a very short story of anywhere from 100 to 1,000 words. As a pre-holiday writing exercise – for a little flashing fun – I thought I’d try my hand at flash fiction in fifteen (minutes). The above is the result. Eyes closed; fast, rough, but I hope engaging, all the same.




© D. A. Wolf

Share/Save/Bookmark

Comments

  1. I was drawn in from the first sentence! Hope the exercise was a fun one — I suspect, from the way the piece flows, that it flexed some writing muscles you enjoyed using.

    You’ve made me miss IHOP, incidentally. It’s impossible for me to eat there now because of food allergies, but I have memories of being there late in the night after a long shift at the paper, wanting sleep but also succumbing to those addictive carbs with the man I married.

    • BigLittleWolf says:

      Thanks, CT. Yes – it was fun! I wonder how many of us miss IHOP… I know the “Original” Pancake House is Around – at least a few of them. (How are you doing, CT? J’espère que tu vas bien – et que tout va bien.)

  2. WOW. That’s some good writing.

  3. Just returned from taking my grandkids to IHOP and wow, this read took me in an entirely different direction. I was counseling a young 17 who thinks he wants to get married. At the same time I was trying keeping an eight year old occupied on her Xmas tablet. (Yes dear, you don’t want to use that app, just use the browser. It’s better, no really…)

    It would seem people are wired to be in a hurry to do whatever comes up first rather than wait for the best to come along. Sometimes that works, mostly it does not. Historical examples of many, many relatives don’t mean anything when compared to a lust driven by hormones and the blindness of youth.

    Thank you for the share Wolfie. It gave me pause from the other gender’s perspective.

  4. Wow. What Kitch said. You pulled me in so tightly this was painful because I have been there. Those rings. Those stacks. Those heels. Awesome!!

  5. oh, D, this is lovely.

    and very sad too.

    in a good way.

    btw, we Always name waitresses too.

    the one today stumped us though.

    her real name turned out to be Tiara.

    isn’t that glorious?

    love that.

    happy almost new year….

  6. All’s well, BLW — thanks for asking :). Now that I’m finally home again after all the holiday travel, I can breathe a sigh of relief and enjoy nesting and catching up on some pre-baby writing that’s been swirling in my head since Thanksgiving. Very glad I won’t be seeing the interiors of a plane for some time!

  7. Wow, just wow. My life in a flash. This gripped me because it is the life I led, the life so many of us have led. And I will never again settle for that. Thank you for sharing this. You are an amazing writer.

    • BigLittleWolf says:

      Glad you stopped by, Susanne. Yes, all too common… I can only imagine occurring on both sides of the gender divide.

  8. BLW, powerful, powerful stuff here. You always challenge yourself with your writing. It is inspiring.

Speak Your Mind

*

CommentLuv badge