As an avid fan of AMC TV’s Mad Men, I’m as susceptible to the appeal of this award-winning drama as anyone. The portrayal of life in the 1960s is seductive, surprising, and accurate in so many respects.

To me, this isn’t history – it’s my childhood – right down to the knotty pine paneling in Betty Draper’s kitchen, the turquoise-toned blues that were favored for walls, the step stool by the phone, and the frequently unsettling ways that women behaved toward each other, and toward their children.

Why we love Mad Men

We know why we love Mad Men. The actors are scrumptious to look at, and their roles, inscrutable enough to hold our interest. In fact, they accomplish much more than that; this series has captivated the country with its mix of compelling narrative, complex characters, and cultural commentary.

As for the women, they’re delicious.

Sure, I’m appreciative of the Jon Hamm’s considerable charms as Don Draper. I love his story, and watch his inability to keep it zipped with mixed emotions. He redeems himself with what we perceive as a good heart, and in the warmth and attentiveness he consistently offers his children. Especially because their mother seems incapable of doing so.

Maternal instincts? On this show, we barely see a trace.

Were you a child in the 60s?

I look at Sally Draper, at this sometimes bewildered and generally lonely child, and I empathize. I was about her age in the mid sixties. Though my mother bore no resemblance to Betty Draper in most ways, she was an educated woman who was unhappy inhabiting the role of homemaker and mother. She didn’t drink or smoke, but she popped assorted diet pills for at least a decade, and I wonder to what extent that influenced her erratic behavior.

She was also alone a great deal, and must have harbored tremendous resentments in finding the reality of marriage to be anything but what she anticipated. Like so many mid-century women.

As for children, they were expected to be seen and not heard, to entertain themselves, and to do as they were told. Divorce? It was exceptional, regardless of the state of the marriage.

Peggy and Joan

It’s not only Betty Draper who startles us with her seemingly unfeeling approach to mothering. Peggy, the young copywriter who bears a child out of wedlock, gives away her infant. We never see regret, or even wistfulness, when it comes to her actions.

• What sort of single mother might she have been?
• Did she make the right decision – not only for herself, but for the baby?

Then there’s Joan. She’s strong, smart, sexy, and sexual. She thinks fast on her feet. She gets things done. She also puts up with plenty – in the workplace, and at home, married to a man who doesn’t have an inkling of her depth or capacity. We only recently learn that she’s had two abortions, but she still wants to be a mother, when the time is right.

Her physician husband is sure to be sent to Viet Nam. And were she to get pregnant, bear a child, and ultimately raise it alone, would she be up to the task of single motherhood? Certainly, as a widow, her social status would remain intact. A widow is one thing, and a divorcee, quite another.

In that regard, how much has really changed?

Betty Draper as a single mother?

Betty, divorced after a decade of marriage, is remarried. She has three young children by her ex, and while her Grace Kelly cool may be elegant to look at, her chilly mothering is appalling by today’s standards. Yet her detachment is not unfamiliar for children of the sixties.

What I also believe – this fictitious character was only willing to jump ship because she would spend no time as a divorcee. She had a second husband all lined up, one who had the pedigree she was seeking, and was willing to provide for her and the children.

Recently I had an online conversation with Dr. Leah Klungness, who writes on single motherhood. She’s also a fan of Mad Men, and we wondered how Betty in particular would handle the challenges of single parenting.

And for those who follow the show, is that really a stretch? She may be in for a rude awakening. Isn’t her new husband, Henry Francis, already less blinded by her beauty, and witnessing her active anger toward her ex, not to mention her coldness toward her children? Might she find herself a single mother after all at some point? Yes, there’s money to pay for domestic help. And if there were not?

How would she fare as a single parent? And what about Joan or Peggy?


For more discussion on single parenting:

• Single Parenthood: How do you really feel?
• Single Parent Guilt, Seth Godin’s Egg
• Parenting Without a Safety Net
• Parenting is a Profession. Where’s my Paycheck?

Images courtesy AMCTV.com.

© D A Wolf

Big Little Wolf’s Daily Plate of Crazy

While it is titled “The Gypsy and the Hobo” (for the Halloween costumes worn by the Draper children), I’d like to focus on the exchange between the main characters, as Don can no longer duck the past he’s hidden from his wife for a decade.

The confrontation, impeccably achieved

The long awaited confrontation between Betty (January Jones) and Don (Jon Hamm) twisted my gut into knots, as piece by piece Don answers his wife’s questions, revealing the details of his past. Along with poverty and illegitimacy, the taking of a dead man’s identity. Let’s not forget that revelations of this sort 40+ years ago, in the ultra-socially conscious milieu of the upper middle class – would be devastating in the circles the Drapers inhabit.

Her response – anger, hurt, mistrust. “What would you do if you were me?” she asks. “Would you love you?”

As the conversation wears on, Betty’s anger subsides, particularly as Don speaks of his younger brother’s suicide, and breaks down. He could have helped, and didn’t, fearing his deception would be exposed.

With this more vulnerable Don, stripped of the polished veneer, might he and Betty create a closer bond? Genuine intimacy? Or did he subconsciously fall in love with a woman who would maintain a cool emotional distance, which would enable him to keep his secrets safely hidden? Is she capable of the sort of warmth he found in his most recent mistress?

More kudos to Mad Men’s creators for:

• Cleverly unmasking Don on the night that everyone else is intentionally disguised.

• Brilliant lighting, throughout the disclosure scene in particular; the bright white of Don’s shirt, one side of his face illuminated and the other, in darkness.

• Betty is back lit, but in muted clothing; what we see of her expression is calm, visible, but in filtered light, suggesting the uncertainty of her eventual actions.

• Suzanne’s departure into the night shows the role of the mistress with its ultimate constraints: she is relegated to the shadows, and to walking away alone.

Surprises

There were nifty character-enhancing moments playing out in this episode, including a few surprises. Among them, another example of idiocy (okay, I’ll be nice – naiveté) when it comes to Joan’s unenlightened and inept husband. He joins the Army, thinking it’s the solution to all their problems.

Joan will once again be caught in his blind backlash. His decision will impact both their lives significantly, yet he never thought to discuss it. (Even Pete Campbell is more forthcoming with his wife.)

Leave it to the Mad Men writers to give us classic Joanie, in all her glorious stand-up style. What’s not to love about this exchange?

Greg: “You don’t know what it’s like to want something your whole life and plan for it and not get it.”

Joanie: “Bullshit!” And she clocks him over the head with a vase!

Another unexpected moment comes with roaming Roger’s restraint as a gorgeous former flame tries to seduce him. Despite plenty of drink, he declines. “I’m married,” he says, and clarifies: “This girl’s different.”

Thoughts on the title and closing scene

The closing scene of this episode is brilliant. Betty is at her husband’s side, even after the revelations of his past. She holds their infant in her arms. They’re standing in the dark, and considerable space separates them. Only the child’s white blanket lightens the impact, like a flicker of hope in the future. Betty’s gloved hands are dark; she may be typical of the era in many ways, but we know her mothering skills are less than ideal.

More layers? Don and Betty’s children are dressed as a gypsy and a hobo. Is Betty the gypsy, ever decked out and lovely? Is Don the hobo? Homeless, wandering, and if not for taking the name of a dead man, would he be invisible?

Or are both characters facets of Don, equally without roots and forced to wander? One may do so with more gaiety and glitz, entertaining and seducing along the way, while the other lives in the shadows and on the periphery. But isn’t this Don? Both showman and a “tramp” – with the ironies in that term that so aptly apply?

In the chilling final moments of the episode, as trick-or-treating continues, a neighbor glances at their children – the gypsy and the hobo – then looks at Don and says “and who are you supposed to be?”

One final reminder

With the next episode, post Halloween, we’re that much closer to November 22, 1963. Camelot comes to an end, and our country’s innocence is over.

© D A Wolf

Don and Betty take a quick trip to Rome and enjoy plenty of flirtation and connubial bliss. It was good to bite into a nice slice of this pulchritudinous pair at play, and play they did! Bellissima e bello!

Betty

Betty in elegant Italian attire makes quite a cuppa cappuccino, and the locals seemed to think so, too. Very Yvette Mimieux in The Light in the Piazza!

Don admires from the next table, as the couple pretends to be strangers while a duo of local men try to pluck the American rose. And mama mia, this ragazza can speak Italian! But handsome hubby succeeds at winning the lady’s favors for the evening.

What next? Betty charms Conrad Hilton. And let’s not forget – those were the days when a gorgeous, sophisticated wife was a feather in a man’s cap and an asset to his career. Wait – it’s still true!

Betty, Betty…

And for dessert, we’re treated to a simmering scene of mutual marital seduction, and a glimpse of chemistry and comfort between Betty and Don as they linger in bed the next morning.

Betty, Betty, Betty

Throughout the episode, Betty’s need for attention is front and center. She allows a furtive kiss from the attractive politician, just a few days before the romantic getaway with Don.

And when she enters the glittering lobby of the Rome Hilton? She seems to glow, and grow, completely at ease in a grander world.

I must admit, I have tremendous sympathy for this character. She’s more than beautiful; she’s intelligent, competent, and yearning to be part of something different. It’s painful watching her parental style – so removed, but it’s equally unsettling to imagine how confined she is as suburban wife and mother. She returns home to domestic skirmishes and daily problems, as Don disappears. Her world shrinks back down, and she seems smaller.

© D A Wolf

Big Little Wolf’s Daily Plate of Crazy