Along with the spoils of winning come reassurances that the basics in life will be taken care of, and a great deal more: satisfaction in your accomplishments, the realization of a dream, and maybe even a spot in the record books. At least – until the guy nipping at your heels grabs the next win. And then what? Are you a loser?

It’s a weekend of Wimbledon finals, after two weeks of  incredible upsets for both the women and the men, though two great champions – Serena Williams and Rafael Nadal – take the 2010 Wimbledon crown. For me, it’s been a time of pondering what winning means, and how to recapture the feeling of being a winner.

Winning attitudes

Major challenges in life often call for extraordinary efforts, not to mention heart – that elusive quality that garners support from others, suggesting an openness of spirit and a belief – even in the impossible. Talent helps, naturally, but work ethic and attitude transform the right stuff into the winning stuff.

We all know that overnight success is rare; what appears as overnight success is generally years of obscurity during sustained efforts, considerable sacrifice, and risk. It all adds up to coming in second, or two hundred and second, and many times, not making the cut at all.

Wise counsel, friends and family, as well as luck tip the scales in favor of hanging in long enough to win, whatever the game.

Winning at life

So is there a magic formula when it comes to winning at life?

• What does winning mean for you?
• How do you define it?
• Do you set the bar high?
• Do you constantly move it?

In American culture, we worship our winners, showering them with special status. But winning for most of us is less opulent and often elusive: a happy marriage, a healthy child, a job, a college scholarship. For some, winning’s Machiavellian edge takes us by surprise; it may involve beating the opponent to a pulp – in a legal action, in business, or in sports. I’ve witnessed that sort of so-called win. I have no admiration for its players.

And for those we do admire? For sports figures, for example?

For Rafael Nadal, who just defeated Tomas Berdych in straight sets to win Wimbledon?

For Serena Williams who won her fourth Wimbledon title yesterday?

I imagine winning on that scale is inexpressibly sweet. And I think about the years of unwavering determination that is required to achieve at that level.

Losing gracefully

For anyone who dares to compete in anything, losing comes with the territory. Losing gracefully is something we can teach our children, as we congratulate those who win, and show the perseverance required to gear up for the next battle – well-prepared, focused, with whatever resources are required, lined up.

Losing is about preparing for taking risk all over again, learning from experience, and increasing the odds of improving, which to me, is a win.

Picking your battles

When I was younger, I took on too many battles. Oh, for the days of youthful innocence and vigor! But we get smarter as we mature, and learn to pick our battles. Hopefully, we don’t sweat the small stuff, and we save ourselves for the fights that really matter.

There are certainly periods in life when the challenges are slamming us fast and furiously. That’s when we do sweat the small stuff, because it isn’t small after all. Picking battles is nearly impossible. Each is important – especially when you’re battling for survival for yourself and your children. Still, only by prioritizing and fighting smartly will we make any progress in these battles that have little to do with a title or prize and everything to do with making it through the day.

Finding the win

There are all kinds of wins in life. We know that. It’s a matter of circumstance and definition. This weekend, I attacked a gargantuan task I’ve been procrastinating for months. It is the necessary prelude to the unpleasant process of filling out financial aid applications, writing letters, searching for college scholarships. I am sifting through mountains of paperwork.

I have begun before, and made little progress. This weekend, as I watched tennis champions get the job done, I thought about winning. And I told myself – begin in earnest – that is your win. As for the prize? Doing right by my sons.

While I have weeks of work ahead of me, I accomplished a great deal in the past 48 hours. Whittled away at the mountain, so to speak. I’m looking at this beginning as a win. I hope for the momentum to continue, and I am moderating my optimism in the gray area where most of us live our real lives, without fanfare. Where we focus on winning when it counts, and by our own definition.

© D A Wolf

Big Little Wolf’s Daily Plate of Crazy

It’s week 2 of Wimbledon 2010, and I’m enjoying coverage of Venus Williams (of course), and Kim Clijsters, as they each play matches on this day of quarter finals.

I’m still getting over the shock of watching Roddick lose to Lu in a four and a half hour five set match yesterday.

And now another shocker! What an upset! As I watch Tsvetana Pironkova defeat five-time Wimbledon champion Venus Williams 6-2, 6-3, a Clijsters win becomes more likely.

And it’s the Belgian, Kim Clijsters, I’m thinking of. In particular, it’s a remark during yesterday’s color commentary that has me pondering; an understated reminder that athletic careers are short-lived at best, and for women, even more so, if they want a family life.

The gist of the comment: Kim Clijsters wants this badly; after all, mother of one, she wants more children and doesn’t have much time left to play.

Athletic Achievements, Difficult Choices

I can’t help but think of the conscious choice that female athletes face – between matches and motherhood. And the fact that 30-year old Venus was just ousted by the 22-year old Bulgarian, Pironkova? Is Venus nearing retirement after all?

While women continue to make strides in many fields, when it comes to athletics, both men and women face short careers under the best of circumstances. Female athletes? If they want families, even more so.

This isn’t the usual issue of barriers to entry or the upper echelons due to innate bias, cultural issues, or even lack of infrastructure like day care options. This is an issue of physical, biological constraints. For women to train and compete, remaining at the top of their game, they will be “on” year round. How is 9 months of maternity to fit into that picture, much less the recovery following childbirth, and those critical early months of maternal bonding?

Matches or Motherhood?

For all women, the likelihood of meeting someone with whom to marry and have children narrows as we age, thus deferring the motherhood decision intentionally or otherwise. What if you are a professional athlete?

• As a woman, would you defer your options to have a family into your mid or late thirties?
• As a man, would you stand by a woman athlete and wait – through the travel, the injuries, the training, the question mark of whether or not children will be possible at a later age?

Sure, it’s easy to say “go for the career” if we’re talking about top-ranked players in a lucrative field, as in women’s tennis. What about those who aren’t at such lofty levels, and never will be?

A reminder of just how extraordinary it is that Clijsters returned to the game last year at 26, and competes now in the quarters (hopefully to move on), from the Daily Mail, September 15, 2009:

Miss Clijsters became only the third mother in history to win a Grand Slam title, after Margaret Court, who took the U.S. Open in 1973, and Evonne Goolagong, who won Wimbledon in 1980.

Think about this achievement – how difficult motherhood is to begin with, and what the body and mind goes through to prepare for the sort of performance required by professional athletes.

Personally, I’d love to see Clijsters take it all the way at Wimbledon 2010. Or are we looking at another upset in the making, in the quarter finals?

More Stunners!

It is another upset! Vera Zvonareva takes down Clijsters – 3-6, 6-4, 6-2! Stay tuned for more exciting play from the women, and certainly a Wimbledon Final none of us expected.

For more articles on Grand Slam tennis:

French Open Wardrobe Mishaps – Already?
Unforeseen Conditions, Wimbledon Wardrobes – Wimbledon 2009
Classic Pairings (Venus and Serena) – Wimbledon 2009
US Open Tennis 2009

© D A Wolf

Big Little Wolf’s Daily Plate of Crazy

But today, I’m also in search of silver linings, if you happen to have any in sight. Mine? Wimbledon Week 2 is here! And that helps everything, even though I missed last week’s incredible 11-hour match with its extraordinary 70-68 fifth set!

So here is my contribution to Monday morning moaning and groaning. And then let ‘er rip! This is a free zone. Everything is fair game – no complaint too small!

So what’s driving you crazy??

Whining and dining

What have I got to bitch about? (Oh, there’s always something, isn’t there?)

• I haven’t seen any Wimbledon! Last week was so busy and all-about-kid that I missed the record-breaking John Isner win, and the Queen’s first visit in 33 years. And everything else!

• I need Andy Roddick, with or without shirt! How could I have missed my Andy Roddick fix?? And Clijsters or Henin? Who do I root for? (Pretty lame as complaints go, I know.)

• I am seriously sleep deprived (Okay. Legitimate complaint.) Nights and nights and nights. Brain function has been reduced to irritable blips. Patience is nil.

• There’s no food in my fridge! (Does Five Guys deliver, avec peanuts?)

• Every muscle in my body hurts after a weekend trip of planes, trains, and bumpy shuttle buses. Serious stair climbing (college dorms, university tour) offered a special bonus for my beleaguered back and limbs. I am in bed. Movement is unlikely for awhile. . .

Now my silver lining

Silver linings abound (also known as perspective).

• The weekend was tiring but went smoothly. Flights were delayed but the universe gave back in entertaining fellow travelers. I’m home! And honestly? In a great mood (and really no complaints).

• I will have THIS week to enjoy Wimbledon 2010! (I’m immobile anyway.) May all wardrobe malfunctions please occur in the next days. . . and some fantastic play!

• I have half a tuna sub in the fridge and it isn’t moldy. Hell – I can live on that for two days! And I have coffee, Motrin, coffee. It sounds like a plan to me.

• My kids are doing great. And when that’s the case, I’m happy. What’s not to love about that?

Your turn – what’s bugging you? And is there a possible silver lining?

© D A Wolf

Big Little Wolf’s Daily Plate of Crazy

Saturday’s Women’s Final saw powerhouse Australian Samantha Stosur fall to underdog, Francesca Schiavone, 6-4, 7-6. Schiavone is the first Italian woman to win a Grand Slam.

Bravo! (And Wimbledon is just around the corner!)
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© D A Wolf

Big Little Wolf’s Daily Plate of Crazy

Tennis views or tennis news?

Now come on. It’s hard not to notice a great player, an unusual outfit, and a little slip here or there. But the fact is, Venus Williams and the women at the French Open are phenomenal athletes. If a bit of cloth shifts, they aren’t about to worry over that, as play continues. Human nature being what it is, we all love that titillating little glimpse – even if it’s illusion, as is the case here, for the most part.

Venus and sister Serena have always made fashion statements on the court – as they brought excitement back to the women’s game more than a decade ago as power teens, hair and jewelry flying as they dominated their opponents.

Remember the Australian Open? It was only a few months ago. Venus wore a neon-colored tennis dress (I loved it) that was also about illusion and style; an inset at the chest as well as her panties matched her skin color. From a distance, our worldwide voyeuristic view perceived a flash here, a flash there. But take a closer look. Not so.

Yesterday, when I saw the “news” item about Venus without undies (again), and certainly not the case (again), I decided not to mention it. Last night, I pondered that decision, given that I wrote about Wimbledon wardrobe mishaps previously. Of course, that was in the context of a dream in which the tennis wardrobe mishaps were my own, during the course of an odd job interview. Somehow, my Wimbledon viewing had intertwined with my subconscious, and the lesson – a professional carries on no matter what – wasn’t lost in the dream, either.

This time? Do I really want to call attention to cheeky moves on the part of a tennis icon? To our trying tendencies to play and replay the female form when seemingly exposed? What message does that send?

Give me Andy Roddick. Please.

This morning, I’m dealing with reality. Several realities. Why are we bothered by beautiful bodies? If men were capable of entertaining us with their fashion slip ups, I’d happily look. And look again. In fact, I adore that flash of flesh when the men change their shirts. What’s not to admire about a beautiful body on a fine athlete – male or female?

For those of you who are fans of the male torso, might I recommend an entire YouTube video on Andy Roddick Shirtless?

Have a problem with that? I don’t.

More Venus Williams

This Venus incident is doubly interesting because the cheeky view was delightful illusion. It garners press (not that she needs it, though it doesn’t hurt, does it?) and it says much about our humanness. This is a beautiful woman, and a superb athlete. We like watching her, seeing her individuality and her style. But do notice: the outfit is a cute, flirtatious number. A corset dress. What better for Paris? I love it, and I say more power to you for daring to wear it, as long as you’re comfortable in it – and who the hell cares what you flash.

Her panties were on, people.
They match her skin color. And she beat her opponent. What more is there to say? Except, perhaps, that the AP photographers might grace us with equal time for the men as they peel off a wet shirt, mop a little perspiration, and pause for us to savor…
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© D A Wolf

Big Little Wolf’s Daily Plate of Crazy

OUI!

More irresistible than French men? Mmm. Tough one.

But we’re counting down. Just hours away now. And what could be better than Paris in the spring, and Grand Slam Tennis? The only thing I can think of is being there – rather than watching on television.

But watching I shall be, even if it is from my little spot thousands of miles away, along with millions of others looking forward to two weeks of spectacular tennis.

I’ll be glued to whatever channel I can find – live or delayed – a little brie and Brouilly at the ready, and otherwise getting my fix online from the Official French Open Site, while imagining that I’m sitting at Roland Garros, watching all the action.

This latest Grand Slam?

The favorites for the French?

Particularly after his win in Madrid over Federer, Rafael Nadal is the favorite for the Men’s, with Roger Federer expected to give him a run for his money. And for the women? Despite the dominance of Serena Williams, the experts say the field is wide open, with all eyes on Belgium’s Justine Henin.

Who else should we expect formidable play from? Svetlana Kuznetsova, Dinara Safina, and Elena Dementieva among others.

Quoi encore?

Some of us will have our eyes on spunky American Melanie Oudin, who delighted fans with her play in last year’s US Open. And as in any Grand Slam (or Grand Chelem as the French say), we can hope for thrilling surprises, fabulous play, and surely a few fireworks. So stay tuned.

Deux semaines magnifiques qui commencent tout de suite !

Springtime in Paris. Trop beau. Now if only I were hopping the Parisian métro, Ligne 9, to head to first round matches. And yes, with a little stop for a quick espresso en route, en souriant. And if you’re lucky enough to be nearby, and need to know how to get there? Quel métro pour aller à Roland Garros ? I’m sure you’ll find it.

Preview of 2010 French Open (YouTube)

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© D A Wolf

Big Little Wolf’s Daily Plate of Crazy

So how did Super Bowl Sunday get to be such an institution?  Are you planning your day around TV football pre-game shows, prepping in the kitchen with traditional family finger foods and a passel of neighbors stopping by for the evening?

Are you out at your favorite sports bar with friends for the night? Will you be watching the most expensive prime time television commercials with interest or indifference, including the controversial Tim Tebow anti-abortion spot?

Sports writer Mike Celizic contends that the Super Bowl is the greatest one-day event in the history of the world (or MSNBC has very able hedline writers), and perhaps he has it right. The Super Bowl is not the greatest sporting event – but it is a monumental event American-style, complete with big name half-time entertainment, hot-hottie-hot cheerleaders, and an excuse to party in the dead of winter.

Cultural traditions

I’ve always thought of football as a gang of gladiators on each side, powerful and determined, gutting it out in a war of gore and grit on slippery fields in the worst possible seasons. Mud, snow, bitter cold. To be frank, it isn’t my sport. I attended the requisite Thanksgiving football game in high school, shut my eyes in horror as young men would slam into each other or finish in a traffic pile up just shy of the goal line. But I confess I’m grateful that my testosterone household has always been relatively football free. That doesn’t mean sports free, but we watched tennis, soccer, Olympic sports. I also admit I was an NBA basketball junkie in my thirties, and I am a woman who loves baseball… movies.

Super Bowl parties

There’s no question that Super Bowl Sunday is about much more than a championship. It’s a rowdy gathering at the local sports bar, or a family evening built around visiting and viewing, a day with tailgate parties even if they’re cooked up inside (given that it’s February!), and it’s all about tradition. In my mind, it’s associated with Labor Day picnics, Fourth of July fireworks, and shares the quintessentially American, larger than life aura of celebration. Even in a non-football household.

Man Teens

It’s Sunday morning. There is at least one extra man-teen sleeping in the house (yes, another impromptu teenage party, and I believe teenagers should have parties in spite of their parents). My sons have never been especially interested in football (one cycles, the other plays tennis), but they have enjoyed rooting for their high school soccer and football teams. They’ve attended games, to support their school and socialize. And there’s no question that any sport – participating or spectating – teaches lessons about discipline, perseverance, teamwork, and competition. And let’s face it – football is always an excuse to party!

Man Cave Land and Big Game Recipes

So I’m searching recipe sites for finger foods to enjoy this evening, just in case.

Buffalo wings (and blue cheese dipping sauce) may be traditional, but honeyed chicken wings are my preference, with stuffed potato skins. As for dessert, I may consider coconut oatmeal bars, or scrounge in my baking drawer and concoct something of my own.

Meanwhile, I’m sure my friend’s husband (with the Man Cave) will be in all his glory this evening, enjoying his football-friendly space where his Louisiana colors surely mean a gathering around the big screen TV.

Just another day? For me, more or less. But if this evening brings another gathering of teenagers, I’ll try my hand at a few recipes, and then retreat to my bedroom. I won’t watch the game in entirety, but I may peek at the goings-on. As much for the commercials as the action, and because even in a non-football household, it isn’t quite “just another day.”

© D A Wolf

Big Little Wolf’s Daily Plate of Crazy

Two tennis icons took their championships with great style – Serena beating out Belgium’s Justine Henin on Saturday, taking her fifth Australian Open title, and Roger Federer over Andy Murray in straight sets on Sunday, taking his 16th Grand Slam title.

While it’s frustrating to be in the northern hemisphere and unable to watch the action live, there’s no question that two great champions deserve their shout-out. So bravo to the 2010 Australian Open winners!

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© D A Wolf

Big Little Wolf’s Daily Plate of Crazy

It’s just after midnight in my part of the world, but I had to hang on to watch defending Australian Open tennis champion Serena Williams tough it out against China’s Li Na in two grueling sets.

Serena’s serves were a thing of beauty – 12 aces in this match. But it was the second set that had me sitting up and tense. Serena appeared to be struggling, but 5 match points finally brought things to a close in a second tie-break, as Williams moves to the Finals of the 2010 Australian Open, to defend her title.

Tennis aces, and new faces

Oh those aces! Serena’s twelfth, to close out the match 7-6 7-6.

And two Chinese tennis players in the semis? Big news – and Li Na was a pleasure to watch on the court. After all, she took out Venus Williams to get there.

Up next? Justine Henin, the diminutive Belgian who retired at her prime, with plenty of titles under her belt. Now trying to come back from retirement like her countrywoman, Kim Clijsters, winner of the 2009 US Open Tennis title.

West Coast tennis viewers. . .

More sports drama in store? Oh, I’d love to stay up and watch it live! But I imagine I’ll be viewing a recap video, sometime tomorrow. (Maybe I can keep my eyes open and on the ball a little longer. . .)

West Coast tennis lovers – you lucky devils – enjoy! And Serena – you go girl!

© D A Wolf

Big Little Wolf’s Daily Plate of Crazy

Man Cave, a concept whose time has come

There are numerous varieties of man cave. A small den, filled with paraphernalia from college days, decorated in the rah-rah-raucous colors of a favorite sport, beer bottles as accessories, or mounted fish as art. Maybe there’s a poker table, worn leather furnishings. (The scent of Old Spice?)

Is there a problem with that?

So do you crave the scoop on the Man Cave? Check out Man Cave World. It’s enlightening – and funny!

And dress code? I’m thinking it isn’t designer. Sorry, Armani. Damn, and I love what you’re showing in menswear this year.

Woman cave?

Do women have their versions of the Man Cave?

The boudoir? The kitchen? Do some husbands consider the entirety of the shared abode the “woman’s place” and are they staking claim to some small area to call their own – undecorated and unscrutinized? Might this explain the Living Together – Separately phenomenon?

Mens’ Fashion for the Man Cave

Are specific men’s fashions required for the Man Cave – t-shirts to match the Mardi Gras colors of LSU? I’d like to imagine some form of fashion sensibility coordinated with moose heads and poker chips, the mascot tiger theme inlaid in wall-to-wall. Designer trends we may not see? Rugged preppy, a jolt of color in fitted sweaters. . . ah, beautiful stuff (that is no doubt welcome in the woman cave).

Global trend, Man’s new best friend?

Any input from other countries? Allô, la France? England? Australia?

Is the Man Cave purely an invention of the long-married husband? Is it like the 7-year itch? The mid-life crisis vehicle to bask in, sans wheels?

Man Cave Decorating Trends

If we accept the inevitability of the Man Cave as a necessity to happy marriage, might we at least recognize the telltale signs when they begin to appear, so we may leave the sanctity of the space intact?

Here are a few:

• Sports paraphernalia
• Big screen TV
• Games and gadgets
• Fridge for beer, grill nearby
• Clashing colors

Does Roger Federer have a Man Cave? Andrei Agassi?

I am loathe to admit that I have been unable to keep my eyes open to watch much Australian Open Tennis live. Fortunately it’s still early round play. But I wonder – does Roger Federer have a Man Cave?

Perhaps he hasn’t been married long enough. What about Andrei Agassi? He and Steffi Graf have been a couple for years. What might Andrei’s Man Cave look like?

• Does your hubby have a Man Cave?
• Does he need one?
• Do you need him to have one?

More than a look, a lifestyle?

As for the Man Cave concept, is it more than passing fashion, and a return to marital separate but equal, though unequal? A place for beer swilling, loud guffaws, arm wrestling and dart throwing, web surfing and guy talk? A (male) room of one’s own?

Gentlemen – I’m all for whatever makes you happy. Just don’t decorate my salon after your fave football team, ok ? Now as for those designer outfits, some of them are hot. A sharp blazer, a fitted sweater, just the right jeans. Of course, then you may have to come out of your Man Cave. For a little mix and mingle.

© D A Wolf

Big Little Wolf’s Daily Plate of Crazy