Put “motherhood” on the resume?
No, not literally. I am not suggesting we include our parenting credentials or family status on our resumes and CVs.
Once upon a time, didn’t we fight so those aspects of our personal lives could no longer be asked – in order to prevent assumptions and discrimination? Granted, we can argue that this sort of information gathering is now moot, given the ample digital footprint of many segments of the population.
Still, I was startled when reading Kristin Maschka’s column at Huff Post Women – addressing Marissa Mayer and Anne-Marie Slaughter, stereotypes about working mothers, and what having it all may mean – for us.
Ms. Maschka is unafraid to present compelling (and initially discouraging) data: mothers are perceived as warm and nurturing, and those very qualities are perceived as making us less competent. Yet she nonetheless offers a positive premise:
Marissa Mayer and Anne-Marie Slaughter have provided two amazing high-profile examples of one strategy for breaking through subconscious stereotypes – exposing people to examples that don’t fit the stereotype. You can do that too.
But can we? Can any of us?
At what point in the future will we be able to “promote” our mothering skills as tangible assets — to be politically correct, our parenting skills — without worrying that we won’t be taken as seriously in our professions? That we won’t be overlooked as candidates or for promotions on the assumption that we will be more constrained than non-parents?
Mothers Having It All?
If we’re talking “having it all,” that’s a related issue and I have my doubts. If we’re talking smashing stereotypes when it comes to powerful and competent women who are also mothers, I’d like to think Ms. Maschka is correct.
Yet when she cites Professor Slaughter in the following scenario, in order to illustrate the extent to which Mayer and Slaughter are breaking the traditional “rules” (thus our perceptions), I admit I’m taken aback. She writes:
Imagine what happens when Slaughter introduces herself as she describes in her article,
“whenever I am introduced at a lecture or other speaking engagement, I insist that the person introducing me mention that I have two sons. It seems odd to me to list degrees, awards, positions, and interests and not include the dimension of my life that is most important to me—and takes an enormous amount of my time. …But I notice that my male introducers are typically uncomfortable when I make the request… my entire purpose is to make family references routine and normal in professional life.”
Mayer and Slaughter’s competence is so well established that if they simply talk about being mothers they become major Mother MythBusters.
Perhaps Ms. Maschka is right on that score. From a high profile woman, the mention of motherhood in an introduction would certainly be a Mythbuster, and a surprise. Yet I’m ambivalent on the advisability of putting motherhood “front and center.”
And naturally, it depends on the context.
Is Motherhood Relevant to Your Work for Pay?
Unless parenting has to do with your job description or qualifications needed for the task at hand, I don’t believe we should put motherhood in the mix, just as men wouldn’t put fatherhood into theirs – in the scenario described.
Is that a contradiction with my assertion of all the job responsibilities that come with parenting? The need to appreciate them (culturally) and at least recognize their implicit financial value?
I don’t think so.
As it is, women too often lead with their role as helper, team player, facilitator. It is difficult for us to clearly state: I created, I built, I generated, I achieved. While I fully believe in the value and necessity of these supportive qualities and skills, associating them with motherhood and situating them in a professional discussion seems off base, to me.
Do I mention that I’m a mother when I’m presenting to a client?
Only if it applies to their organization, or the publication I may be pitching.
Do I further clarify that I’m a single mother? Again, only if it’s relevant.
Positioning for Professionalism
A few years back, I gave communication seminars to (women) artists, teaching them how to position their professional background, skills, and artwork to their competitive advantage. Most were accustomed to describing their history and accomplishments, directly or indirectly, as secondary to their time as wife and mother.
By couching their stories in a familial framework, they came across as uncommitted, unfocused, or inexperienced – which wasn’t the case. But it was the impression created by:
- “Well, I spent the past 20 years helping my husband with his business, but… ” or
- “When my children were in school, I was able to…”
My task? I worked to encourage these talented and competent women to reshape their content and delivery. For example:
- “I am a painter with experience in portraiture and landscapes…”
- “I am a sculptor and mixed media artist, focused on installations and public art, with my most recent exhibition addressing…”
- “I am a photographer, expanding into digital photography, currently involved in…”
Is motherhood relevant in these examples?
Only if the portrait artist, sculptor, or photographer is facing a client or assignment that involves parenting or a child, and it is a professional advantage to bring up family status and skills.
Post-Baby Working Arrangements
It’s one thing to see pregnant women in leadership roles, around the office, or behind the cash register in a retail establishment. But what happens after the birth? What about environments that are family friendly – or is that a 70s pipe dream that is as unlikely in this country as it was a generation ago? Is money the one and only real differentiator — sufficient “wealth” to ensure childcare, nannies, backup plans and more backup plans?
Does anyone recall Baby Boom? Diane Keaton played a character who was trying to juggle her high profile position and the demands of motherhood. Sure, that was the 80s, that was Hollywood, that was comedy. But has the underlying conflict ever been adequately addressed?
A small (but related) digression: In my search for images to illustrate this column, “working mothers with children” yielded numerous photos of mothers with babies, a few mothers with toddlers, and mothers with young children – at a laptop or on the phone, but always in a home office. The images were even labeled as such, specifying “home office.”
But how many of us can conduct our work lives from a home office? I did, for a time – and was lucky – though I paid for that good fortune with less visibility, longer working hours, and a perpetual cycle of proving and reproving my worth.
Motherhood Always Impacts Career
Let me be clear. I am not saying that motherhood isn’t a huge factor in our choices – to work for pay or not, to change our hours or working arrangement if possible, to adjust to a variety of compromises as we have only so many hours and dollars to “have it all” or “do it all” – and naturally, we will be impacted by sleep-deprived nights, parental worries, shuttling kids, dealing with related expenses.
One could argue that these impacts are true for fathers as well, or some fathers, depending upon the family situation.
As for my own experience, I will mention that in one position just after divorce, with my children too old for child care but too young to be left alone, on a budget that didn’t allow for a sitter much less a nanny, I worked a job that frequently required my presence in the office until 9 at night. I often had to semi-sneak my children in, set them up with snacks and activities, finish up the evening’s tasks, then haul the three of us home.
Single parent guilt? In spades. Not to mention extraordinary stress.
As for Marissa Mayer and Anne-Marie Slaughter being Motherhood Mythbusters, I say – bring it on!
A pregnant CEO? It’s refreshing to see, but the real issue is – will Marissa Mayer be able to accomplish what Yahoo needs? And if she can’t, will motherhood in some way be blamed?
I doubt it. Then again, affording a nanny will hardly be an issue… Likewise, if she needs time off to deal with a sick child. But would that be true for women in middle management? What about non-management?
When I was pregnant with my boys, I wasn’t the only woman in my 30s holding a responsible position, showing up to the office with a protruding belly, and going about my business as usual. At the time, it was a non-event. The real challenges occurred when babies arrived on the scene, when babies became toddlers, toddlers became preschoolers, preschoolers became children who wanted and needed a parent around – children clinging to a leg or an arm, or periodically sad and distant because there wasn’t enough “Mom” to go around.
Is that the case for everyone? Of course not. It wasn’t the case for my kids all the time, but it happened enough that I did everything in my power to restructure my work life – to my financial detriment, but more able to participate in their lives, and to know the joy of them in mine.
Motherhood Reality
Those wrenching moments?
I might add that they came long before the real challenges began – after school programs or the lack of them, extracurricular activities and the need to chauffeur, emotional issues to be dealt with during and after divorce, adolescent acting out, the typical worries with any teenagers, and fatigue. Extraordinary fatigue.
What would help?
Teaching managers how to effectively assign tasks, assess progress, and communicate with remote workers – and yes, I realize that doesn’t address non white collar jobs.
What else?
Infrastructure. Community. Health care that doesn’t drop you over the cliff when you lose a job. Child care that doesn’t end at age 6 or 7 or 8. A school schedule that better fits a standard work schedule.
Not disregarding the millions in the workforce who are not in “an employment relationship” and work as contractors or independents, and therefore, have none of the benefits associated with other workers – including any improvements we may eventually make in the employment environment.
As for Mythbusters in general, yes, they will shift our perspective and that’s helpful. Moreover, I applaud the desire to illustrate that professions and parenting coexist. But when it comes to American norms, I’m unconvinced this is peaceful coexistence, though I hold out hope that someday, we may get there.
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Because of her new CEO position and her pregnancy, maybe Marissa Mayer will be able to set corporate policies in place at Yahoo that help work and motherhood coexist. She could be a trendsetter in more ways than one.
Now that would be something to see, Robin.
I think Robin’s comment alludes to the perspective I have. I will be watching with great interest once she has the baby, and how that plays out. Unfortunately, Yahoo! has had a revolving door of CEOs of late, so I hope she retains the job long enough to really delve into this issue.
I have to say, your post here is much more interesting than Kristin’s. Warmth is only one aspect of the many stereotypes that working mothers have to fight. There are even more of them for us single moms!
I followed the link to Slaughter’s excellent article. She writes:
“Perhaps the most encouraging news of all for achieving the sorts of changes that I have proposed is that men are joining the cause…today many young men are asking questions about how they can manage a work-life balance. “
One of the greatest capitalist rip-offs of the second half of the 20th century was to convince women that they would be better off and happier being “liberated” to leave their families and to emulate the meaningless hamster-wheel work life (so falsely glamorized) that their mates “enjoyed.” So now we end up with two wage earners working themselves to death while scared about losing their jobs (a valid concern) and minimal family care (particularly now that grandma has been relegated to a retirement community or nursing home). But there’s lots of cheap labor to satisfy the owners and their government lackeys, and if it’s not cheap enough, you find a place in the world where folks are even more desperate and will work for pennies.
I was fortunate to get an early start in an expanding economy so that I was very well set for recognizable success while also in a position to choose an apparently lesser career path that was directed toward less money but more time for family and making a meaningful contribution in the world. What more could one ask for out of life (including Fran, of course)?
You bring a perspective that many don’t have, Paul. I hear you. “A meaningful contribution.” For some, that doesn’t seem to be enough – or even a consideration. For others of us, it’s everything, provided we can care for our families, of course.
Nice article. I agree that putting “mom” credentials front and center (still) might be dangerous. It’s an act of rebellion for sure (and I squeezed it into my Twitter profile) but that may not be the right thing to do for 99% women. Also, Sheryl Sandberg’s advice to announce that you’re leaving the office at 5:30 to be with family may be unwise for “the rest of us” who are not CEOs and COOs.
Thanks for writing this.
Glad you joined the conversation, Nanette. Great observations (I happen to agree…) 😉
Yes, yes, yes. Not sure why pregnancy seems to most of our culture the epitome of motherhood when, technically, it’s the last moments of independent selfhood.
So glad you brought up Baby Boom. It was a helpful depiction of how hard it is to get care when you need to be at the office consistently, how disparaging some men are about mothers at work, how desperately sad it is for some women to be away from their children (of any age).
I love Paul’s recognition of how corporate interests are served by convincing women the only right answer is work. And you’re reminded that single moms are put in untenable lose-lose positions, by corporate policies and necessity.
I think we should all be able to define ourselves any way we want. If motherhood is an important part of who you are, sing it, sister. If you’d rather focus on something else for a conversation, professional persona, or any other reason, why then – celebrate your personhood. Frame it the way you want because it’s your life. And shame on anyone who judges women’s decisions about work, family, career, and selfhood.
NaptimeWriting, I think you just sung it beautifully!
I don’t think Mayer and Slaughter are good comparisons for most of us. They can “have it all” because they’re wealthy and can afford round-the-clock help. I have known women in their position that have three nannies who take shifts so that someone is on duty 24 hours a day…plus the maid, the cook, etc. If they were single mothers, they could afford the same set-up. As you said, what most working women need is infrastructure — childcare provided by businesses so you’re not sneaking out the door when your babysitter calls in sick to go pick up your kid in aftercare only to be charged overtime because you got stuck in traffic and are ten minutes late.
I think they’re inspirational, but exceptional, and you’re quite right – they have resources available that don’t reflect the reality that most of us live with. Then again, we need to break stereotypes, and they’re doing that in certain ways.
But generally? I’m with you on your observations. The nitty-gritty of the way things work in this country, logstically and financially, when it comes to women and children – with those challenges heightened when single parenthood is added to the mix.
I like what Paul said. Equal and fair pay for equal work and adequate provision for childcare are the bedrock issues for women, for men, for families. The rest is distraction.
The original question wasn’t answered–everyone tap danced around it. How do you account for 15 years out of the workforce on a resume, even when you had great, employable skills and education at the front and back end and valuable volunteer experience in the middle that relates to raising children.
Language for the resume, please!!!
A question, Sally. Is there work experience prior to the stay-at-home years?
If yes, and especially if it’s significant and there are other credentials on the résumé, great. If not, well… you’re basically starting out.
Then again, depending on your age, your industry, and your job competition in your geographic area, in today’s economy, whether you were out of the workforce three years or 13 years, it may not make that much difference. That’s a personal opinion, by the way.
Most of the parents I know who are at or around 50 or older struggle to get traction from a résumé, even if they have 20 years of active work experience. They’re competing against younger, less expensive workers in a culture with a short term orientation.
I believe this is one of the reasons that you see so many people in this age group going independent… or starting a small business… or contracting… or working multiple part-time jobs if they can get them. In addition — and this is my experience, and that of the people I know and most of the people I read — the best way to find about unadvertised opportunities or to get a foot in the door (an interview) is a personal connection. So work on those connections, and if you have skills, put them on your résumé (or LinkedIn profile).
Last I would say that more and more of us don’t have sequential job experiences. We have overlapping periods of work in different capacities — some full-time, some part-time, some project-based and so on.
Are there volunteer activities that you can describe in connection with skills? Are there projects you may have worked on where you will have references whether or not you were actually paid for those projects?
These are things to consider and try to document.
Poke around the Internet and find some freelancer resumes of different types. See how they phrase their projects and other work experiences. And if you really feel compelled to account for five years or 10 years or 15 years as a stay at home spouse or parent, I might recommend something that a friend of mine used once.
She gave her household a name and referred to herself as the CEO. It was something along the lines of CEO, Moms Inc. Beneath that title she listed a number of skills and accomplishments. Frankly it was impressive as the woman herself is. And the energy and vibrancy and intelligence of her personality, along with her persistence, has always gotten her in the door.
I hope something of this is useful…