A touch of, well… form, along with function.
After all, who doesn’t avail themselves of a few tricks of the trade when it comes to attracting their object of desire?
But what about seduction by formula?
Are techniques and training advisable? Is that going too far – or an area of education that has long been neglected?
Seminars in Seduction?
Recently, I stumbled over a few sites offering e-Seduction tips and tidbits, not to mention books, seminars, and boot camps on “game.” I am not entirely new to the term “game,” which is, generally speaking, the art of the pickup. It’s more involved than that of course, and realistically, I see its benefits in a gender-confused world – one in which we seem to be slipping in and out of beds and heads, and with little satisfaction.
Still, I wonder how we got here, and why we need game to get the girl. Perhaps game has always been around (like seduction), but furtively flying under the radar by another name.
Should we set aside the term Pickup Artist for the moment, and look to the Ladies Man, the Charmer, the Bad Boy, or the Rake? Do we prefer those terms? Don’t we have examples everywhere – and many which we admire?
Surely 007 had game. He could charm the 60s (and 70s and 80s) panties off any woman, and I smile just thinking about it. So why does the notion of millennial game strike me as a little sad? That more and more men feel this is the only way to get the girl into bed, much less to hook a good woman’s heart?
A Good Man
Who doesn’t want a “good man” or a “good woman?” Yet who isn’t susceptible to the titillation of temptation, and a pyre of desire? What woman doesn’t want to be seduced?
Merriam-Webster defines seduction as:
the enticement of a person to sexual intercourse; something that attracts or charms
For myself, the element of manly (or womanly) charm is vital. But it’s genuine charm – not a line, and not bravado. And yes, I’m delighted when I encounter a charming man who knows his way around his assets – as well as a woman’s. As for the rest of the definition, it leaves much to the imagination, providing few specifics.
- Do you know what attracts and charms you?
- Is it entirely physical?
- Is it a sexy je ne sais quoi – that indefinable charisma?
- Are you searching by checklist? Specifically seeking a good provider, a certain stature, the trappings rather than the substance?
What about eye contact, the art of conversation, attentiveness, authenticity? One could say that these are elements of “game” as well – but integrated into the masculine persona, as I would hope that similar elements are part of my own womanly arts. Or am I splitting hairs? Sidling through semantics?
Aging and Evolving (Thank God)
Oh, I feel like someone from another century even writing some of this! Certainly, I’ve fallen victim – and willingly – to the excitement of a stranger, the powerful pull of a certain body part, the allure of a deep voice and just the right words. I know myself to enjoy elements of the Man’s Man, the Woman’s Man, and yet I consider myself a thinking and feeling female. Feminist in principles; feminine in manner and behavior.
I know that I am wooed by the word, by a quick wit, by the way a hand might brush my knee or grace the small of my back while walking down the street. I am impressed by confidence and compassion, by intelligence and insight; I am wowed by true character.
Still, I wouldn’t begrudge men – or women – techniques or tips that might assist in their quest. And that quest is to catch the attention of potential partners, certainly trickier as we age, but nonetheless important.
As for seduction, might I quote a wise man – one of my readers – who seems to have a good handle on the matter?
True seduction is perhaps the most romantic thing imaginable. Seduction should leave a beautiful memory, full of surprises and revelations for both partners. It should not be manipulation or obligation… that is not seduction.
Returning to the issue of e-seduction, e-excitement, and eeeek-e-entertainment in the adventurous arena of sex and amour, much as I could have spent hours perusing products, posts, and assorted seduction services, I return to a different premise – to seduction without game, to thinking of the other you hope to please as well as your own needs, and – that we shouldn’t require seminars and boot camps to attract dates and mates.
The fact that we do (and apparently that’s the case) – may well be where we find ourselves today. A bit disoriented, hungry for connection, and dulled by media’s depiction of what we ought to want (and therefore are “entitled” to experience).
Nice Guys CAN Finish First
As I’ve grown older, my appreciation for the person inside has become more certain. My evolution as a woman has allowed me to value the essentials; we may be drawn to the dangers inherent in the Bad Boy, but give me the Good Guy and I’ll extol his virtues enthusiastically.
And if you think Good Guys aren’t seductive – you might want to think again.
This year I resolved to put myself out there more often when it came to meeting men. The sort of men who attract me. The sort of men who would find me attractive – as a woman, and as a person. For the most part, that’s meant some online dating, but it’s also included smiles and hellos, and an openness to conversation with both men and women. After all, you never know when a chance meeting might lead to an introduction.
The process of “dating” is time consuming, and often, disappointing. It means we must take more chances, take proper care of ourselves, and understand what we really want in a relationship – and realistically – what we have to give. What I want? A nice guy. Smart. Funny. Real. And I believe I offer the same in return.
That attribute, non-specific though it is, remains non-negotiable. But everything else is potentially up for, well… grabs. And that includes those elements we typically think of to do with seduction and masculinity, which are, all too often, about money, materialism, power and control.
For me, masculinity doesn’t derive from the wallet or the job title. It comes from living life fully, from learning and awareness, from the irresistible allure of knowing oneself and appreciating the opposite sex with playfulness – and playing nice.
Nice Men, Nice Women
Recently a gentleman commented that I was a nice woman. It was intended as a compliment, which is how I took it. It wasn’t lost on me that these days, “a nice woman” isn’t a given. Likewise, neither is “a nice man.”
In my book, nice guys finish first. I’ll take a man with no game who nonetheless enjoys his manliness – confidence in who he is, including his sexuality; brains and humor; spontaneity and a flair for conversation.
What he looks like? Irrelevant. His income? Even more so. The way he seduces me, moves me, challenges me, allows me to do the same for him… essential.
I will always enjoy Sean Connery as James Bond, but I’ll stick to the Nice Guy and Seduction by Smarts and Smiles. I offer my most tender, open, and sensual self – unhurriedly – when I feel that it is welcome. And I’ll take the truth of the man – imperfect and interesting – the Nice Man, the Good Man – and know myself to have found a treasure.
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