Third Date Sex (and the LDR)

First, check your teeth for a bit of broccoli. Use the rear-view mirror if you must, as he runs into the Seven Eleven for you-know-what. It’s the third date, and you’re GO for lift-off. Sex!

Kissing is key, but if you’re about to embark on Third Date Sex (TDS) you’ve already sampled the smooching in the Second Date Embrace. Ah, dating in the new century. So nice to have these handy guidelines. A veritable Pert Chart.


I didn’t have as much dating experience before marriage as I’ve had after. Let’s see. There was one serious boyfriend in my early twenties, another around 30. Hardly the stuff to pen novels filled with exotic European interludes, despite frequent transatlantic trips to Paris, Normandy, the South of France, and a few other delicious regions.

Beach sex, boat sex, leather seat sex (you get the idea)

There were one or two erotic encounters, I admit… Vacations mostly. Very Tom Cruise in Cocktail. Um, a handsome Coast Guard officer in Bermuda (big Harley), a fine fitness trainer in South Florida (nice boat), and a Canadian scientist with a bushy red beard and infectious belly laugh (mmm, Jamaica).

Okay. That’s three. Three’s the charm, no?

But TDS doesn’t apply to tropical paradise, which encourages amorous abandon for the entirety of your vibrant vay-kay. Besides, I was single and it was the 80s.


The blur: hubby, house, bills, work, two boys, cooking, more work. And 5500 loads of wash, give or take.

5500 loads of laundry and counting


In the past eight years I estimate 240 first dates (a lot of java under the bridge), a dramatic drop to 40 or 50 second dates, and beyond that, relatively few close encounters of the third kind.


Very few, now that I look back.

(Am I discriminating, dumb, or just too tired?)

TDS and the LDR

Dating diagrams are tossed out the window when you undertake a Long Distance Relationship (LDR). Especially if you meet and greet online.

Remember my holiday wish list? Spicy mama seeks smart, funny, French-speaking tall guy? Generally, those fitting that criteria live in… France!

Which might explain one LTR (Long Term Relationship) that was also a transatlantic LDR, complete with he-mails, she-mails, and web cam cooing-and-wooing.

Frankly, the beauty of a long distance relationship is time: the weeks (and months) spent really getting to know each other. It’s called courtship, remember? It’s lovely – and frustrating, at least until one or the other boards a plane and arrives at the door. And by then, you’re certainly up for Third Date Something!

French kiss

The ultimate test, the first face-to-face… eh oui… zee kees!

Once again, you’d better find a mirror, a breath mint, and carry floss. You want that perfectly petulant pout and luscious lips. Because if the kiss is right, then it’s liftoff – whether it’s interstate, intercontinental, or out-of-this-world. If not, you’ve invested a helluva lot, only to scrub the mission when you’re ready for much more than occasional sky rockets in flight.

Third Date Sex? I’m all for it. But a little waiting can lead to something even better. Something we used to call making love.


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  1. says

    Last sex I had was a first date. Knew I didn’t want to see him again, but did “want” him. Thought I better get it while the getting was good.

    Can’t remember the last time made love. How sad!

  2. says

    You really seem to have this all worked out! I’ve had exactly one girlfriend in my life and that is my wife. Sometimes I feel like I missed out on a lot in life. hmmm. I think I probably did. But, I suppose I can chalk that up to being a total doofus around the ladies. I’m really shy around women I like. It’s good for me that my wife was not or I’d be approaching 40 year old virgin status :-) HA

  3. dadshouse says

    That’s why, when I find a lover, I hold on tight. (And I don’t blog about my lovers until they are long gone.)

  4. jason says

    Keith, i think it is hysterical that you think Ms. B has it worked out, when it seems like you have it worked out. You’ve got your wife and partner and you seem to be happy and healthy in that relationship. I dont want to jinx you, but you seem to be doing things ‘perfectly’

    dad, what is the fun for your readers if you are not going to blog about your lovers until they are gone! where is the gossip man???

  5. says

    I keep linking to old posts. I am the specialist on Long Distance Relationships. Would never do it again, even though always said I would cover the world to find the right woman (and I did, although she turned out to live near home). Story re third-date sex: One time met a woman (high-powered German socialist intelligentsia employed by a major German firm, making probably five times my salary – what do you expect in response to my “Quaker pacifist revolutionary socialist seeks girlfriend” ad) who announced at our first date that she never slept with a man until the third date. She was interesting, and we met a second time. At the end of that date, I announced that we didn’t seem well matched, and I wished her good fortune in all her future endeavors. She was interesting and attractive, but not a likely prospect/match for a LTR, so I had to be out of there. So glad to have found Fran, but also not to be dating…got so bored with it, even with my quirky approach that at the least got some interesting responses.

    • BigLittleWolf says

      Finding a great person to spend time with, someone that’s good for you and for whom you are good – it’s no small feat. (Do love your story though, Paul!)

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