Mr. Potato Head was flashing through my dreams the other night. No… not those kind of dreams, and not that kind of flashing either.
Even if this little hunka-hunka-studly-spud has a certain staying power, expressive eyebrows, and movable parts, he’s just not my type. I like a man with, um, backbone. Oh. And a pulse.
I’ve been thinking ahead to the holidays. No, it’s not too early when you’re a parent! Wishing (and shopping) season will be here before we know it, so maybe that’s why toys and tasty temptations have been dancing in my head.
I’ve also been pondering the future. After all, one child has flown the proverbial nest, and the other is increasingly independent. I may get to imagine the occasional sultry Saturday night, but I don’t get to experience it! When is that going to change?? It’s time for me to consider my desires for those long, wintry evenings – what fun and games might make for a playful year-end, and a chipper 2010. And maybe bring them a little closer to reality. So I thought I needed to call in the BIG GUNS. Saint Nick? Nope. Better than that. The Blue guy, with a sense of humor. Yep – Genie! He’s the man!
Sorry, Mr. P – you’re a doll face, but you have too few parts and too little complexity. And I like complexity. It’s intriguing. It inspires curiosity and creativity. A woman needs a man with a little edge, a few surprises.
And no offense, but your routine is predictable: “twist here, tilt there, detach, reposition.” Four moves won’t cut it.
But listen sweet potato man, don’t think I haven’t noticed you’ve updated your look. And it’s a fab start on a new future for you, too – now that you’ve axed the 80s mustache and opted for a jaunty brimmed hat.
Come on. Fess up, you sexy spud… Have you been tuning in to the Rachel Zoe Project?
The HOLIDAY wish list!
OKAY. Enough beating around the bush. It’s casting call time for my next love interest!
- Smarts, and appreciate smarts.
- Quirky humor; rhymes included.
- Gentle heart, devilish imagination.
- Honesty? Honestly – need you ask?
- Français? Huge plus!
- Must love words. (Hot hot hot!)
- Must love shoes. (Faux fur or not!)
My starchy suitor and faux furrier aside, let’s face facts: Richard Gere in American Gigolo made many a woman’s mercury rise. No wonder Lauren Hutton couldn’t get enough! Gere was sizzling in Armani, steamy out of it, and left his mark on my pre-mama memory. But I don’t think he’s available to poke my embers when December rolls around. So Genie – do your stuff!
If not Richard Gere (circa 1980), I think there are probably plenty of special guys out there who would fit the bill. But I don’t think Internet checklists are going to drop such precious possibilities in my path.
When contemporary methods fall short
When contemporary methods don’t get you what you want, what next? Is a little bit of magic such a bad idea?